Guiding Kids Through the Tough Moments: Techniques to Build a Space Where Children Can Thrive

Cover
Half Title
Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Author’s note
About Mark Le Messurier
Intellectual property clause
Acknowledgements
PREFACE: Where am I taking you?
IN ADMIRATION: And from lessons learnt
A DECLARATION: My position on children and us
	Consistency
	Persistence
Chapter 1: Family: An evolution and revolution
	A once upon a time family
	Separations, divorce, and relocation
	Abuse, trauma, and child protection
	Self-harm
	A despairing view of the world
	Competitive and exclusive parenting
	“Monkey see, monkey do” parenting
	An over-scheduled generation of children
	Screens and cognitive overload
	Sexual and gender identity
	An anxiety epidemic?
	The impact of COVID-19 on families
Chapter 2: Which QUADRANT reflects your PARENTING or TEACHING style?
	Now is the moment to shine the spotlight on you
	Dispelling a myth
	THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW – The PUNITIVE QUADRANT
	THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW – The NEGLECTFUL QUADRANT
	THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW – The PERMISSIVE QUADRANT
	THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW – The AUTHORITATIVE QUADRANT
	SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW – in REVIEW
Chapter 3: “MIS”behaviour
	A change in their behaviour begins in our heart
	All behaviour has a purpose although it may not be purposefully directed
	My take on “MIS”behaviour
	Lessons from the past
Chapter 4: Understanding the STUBBORNNESS of behaviour
	What about you?
	The traditional negative approach
	A positive approach
	Stubbornness: A different perspective
Chapter 5: A language that TAMES SHAME
	Today everyone agrees it is wrong to hit a child to make them do what we want
	YOU- and I-statements
	YOU-statements
	I-statements
	The HOLY GRAIL – healthy communication patterns in the tricky moments
	Revenge fantasies
Chapter 6: The “art” of REDIRECTING unwanted behaviours
	There is groundwork to be done
	Non-verbal prompts
	Tactical ignoring – a strategy to ignore unwanted behaviours that should not matter
	PRAISE – an effective way to direct and redirect behaviour
Chapter 7: The “art” of HOLDING A CHILD ACCOUNTABLE, with poise
	First, get your emotions in the right place
	The first response to a child’s “MIS”behaviour is NOT to fix the “MIS”behaviour
	PRACTICAL STEPS: Holding children accountable (with poise)
Chapter 8: The “art” of APPLYING AN EDUCATIVE CONSEQUENCE, and staying emotionally connected
	The guiding principles of EDUCATIVE CONSEQUENCES
	EDUCATIVE CONSEQUENCES can be broken down into three broad types
	FINAL THOUGHTS: On the “art” of applying EDUCATIVE CONSEQUENCES
		Frame it
		Mix it up!
		Timing is everything
		It is YOUR choice
		Staying emotionally connected
		That space where children can thrive
Chapter 9: The STAR ACT: Praise and building credit
	Build your credit rating!
	Review on the STAR ACT – praise
Chapter 10: ONE SIZE does not fit all: An alternative
	A few ideas to help you successfully run a token economy approach
Chapter 11: WISE-GUIDES and SELF-CARE
	My first wise guide: Hiam Ginott
	My second wise guide: Rita Pierson
	My third wise guide is New Zealand’s current Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern
	My early wise guides
Chapter 12: CLOSE: Thoughts and reflections
	Verse and prose on children and family
	Series on children, parenting, and family
	Movies on children, parenting, and family
	Documentaries on children, parenting, and family
Bibliography