Divorce Without Court: A Guide to Mediation and Collaborative Divorce, 5th Edition

Cover
Title Page
Table of Contents
Divorce Without Court: Your Best Option
	What Exactly Are Mediation and Collaboration?
	Why Mediate or Collaborate? Consider the Alternative
	Divorce Decision Spectrum
	Mediation or Collaboration: Still a Better Option for Divorcing Same-Sex Couples
	You’ve Decided to Mediate: When Do You Start?
	Divorce Law in Your State: How to Get Accurate Information
	Getting the Most Out of This Book
1: The Role of Mediation and Collaborative Law in the Divorce Process
	The Four Divorces
	Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce
	Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce
	Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce
	Mediation and Collaboration: A Different Way to Divorce
2: What Happens in Mediation
	An Overview of Mediation
	Introductory Stage
	Information-Gathering Stage
	Framing Stage
	Negotiating Stage
	Concluding Stage
	Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran’s Mediation
3: What Happens in a Collaborative Divorce
	An Overview of Collaborative Divorce
	Introductory Stage
	Information-Gathering Stage
	Framing Stage
	Negotiating Stage
	Concluding Stage
	Assessing the Cost of Cole and Traci’s Collaborative Divorce
	Traci and Cole’s Collaborative Divorce Agreement
4: Deciding to Mediate or Collaborate
	Is Mediation or Collaboration Right for You?
	It Takes Agreement of Both Spouses
	Comparing Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
	Making Your Choice Between Mediation and Collaboration
5: Proposing Mediation or Collaboration to Your Spouse
	When to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
	Who Should Propose Mediation or Collaboration?
	How to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
	Dos and Don’ts of Proposing Mediation or Collaboration
	Sample Letter Proposing Mediation
	Sample Letter Proposing Collaborative Divorce
6: Finding a Mediator
	Finding the Right Mediator
	Qualified Mediators: What to Look For
	Finding the Right Fit
	Who Provides Mediation Services
	Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators
	Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator
7: Finding a Collaborative Attorney
	Finding the Right Collaborative Attorney
	Qualified Attorneys: What to Look For
	Finding the Right Fit
	Screening and Interviewing Potential Lawyers
	Interviewing and Selecting a Collaborative Lawyer
8: Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research
	How and When to Use Advisers in Mediation
	The Role of Family and Friends in Your Divorce
	Legal Adviser
	Counselor
	Financial Adviser
	Specialized Advisers
	Coordinating Your Advisers
	Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off
9: Getting Started on Information Gathering
	Step One: Remember Vital Statistics
	Step Two: Assess Your Children’s Needs
	Step Three: Locate and Copy Important Documents
	Step Four: Inventory Your Assets and Debts
	Step Five: Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget
	Step Six: Pause to Reflect
10: Preparing for and Making the Most of the First Session
	Getting Ready
	Mediator Approaches and Styles
	Mediator Neutrality and Bias
	Confidentiality of the Mediation
	Agreement to Mediate
	Take Time to Make Notes
11: Evaluating Your Progress in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
	Evaluating the Decision to Mediate
	Evaluating the Decision to Use Collaborative Divorce
	Monitoring Your Progress in Mediation or Collaboration
12: Communicating in Mediation orCollaborative Divorce
	What Is Communication?
	What Can Go Wrong in Communications?
	Tips for Good Communication
	Tips for Communicating About Problems
	Handling Strong Emotions in Communication
13: Negotiating in Mediation orCollaborative Divorce
	We Negotiate All the Time
	What Makes for a Successful Negotiation?
	Prepare for the Negotiation
	Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully
14: Court-Sponsored Mediation
	Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs
	How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works
	Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not?
	Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out
	If You Can’t Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation
	Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation
	Attending the Mediation Session
	After the Mediation Session
15: Encountering Difficulties in Mediation and Collaboration
	Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties
	Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience
	Delays and Disconnects
	Tantrums and Other “Bad” Behavior
	Extreme Discomfort in Mediation
	Impasse: Negotiation Hits a Brick Wall
	Last-Minute Changes and Demands
	Dealing With Persistent Problems
	Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges
	Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way
16: Writing Up the Divorce Agreement
	Interim or Temporary Agreements
	Partial Agreements
	Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing?
	Writing Up the Final Settlement and Finalizing Your Divorce
17: Women and Men in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce
	Historical Background
	Gender and Mandatory Mediation
	Gender and Voluntary Mediation
	Common Gender‑Related Obstacles
18: Unmarried Couples in Mediation and Collaboration
	Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls
	Successful Mediation or Collaborative Separation
19: Mediation and Collaboration After Divorce
	Dealing With Changes in the Divorce Agreement
	If You Decide to Mediate
	If You Decide to Collaborate
	Mediating New Relationship Issues
Appendix A: How to Use the Downloadable Forms on the Nolo Website
	Editing RTFs
	List of Forms Available on the Nolo Website
	Additional Notes on Editing the Downloadable Forms in Divorce Without Court
Appendix B: State Court Websites
Index
Book Registration and Updates
Additional Divorce Resources at Nolo.com