Why Boys Don't Talk - and Why it Matters

Terms of Use......Page 5
Want to learn more?......Page 6
Contents......Page 9
Acknowledgments......Page 13
Introduction: Life in the Balance......Page 15
1 Why Boys Don’t Talk—and Why It Matters......Page 21
2 A New Vision: Individuation and Connection: Do We Push Our Sons Away?......Page 33
3 New Challenges for Building Connections: What Can We Do to Foster Closeness?......Page 45
4 The Veil of Masculinity: What Is the Impact of “Boys Will Be Boys”?......Page 55
5 What Statistics Tell Us: What Is It Really Like to Be a Boy Today?......Page 69
Education......Page 70
Alcohol/Drug Use and Violence......Page 78
Psychological Danger Signals......Page 82
Overview......Page 89
Developing Identity......Page 91
Oppositional Identity, Academic Achievement, and Peer Pressure......Page 92
Coming of Age......Page 95
Fathers and Sons......Page 96
Ethnically and Culturally Diverse Adolescents and Society......Page 97
Institutional Racism in Schools......Page 99
Culture Clash: Children, Families, School, Communities, and the Media......Page 105
7 A Work in Progress: How Do We Create More than Just a “Few Good Men”?......Page 113
8 Somewhere Between Superhero and Geek: How Do We Make It Okay for Boys to Break Out of the Box?......Page 121
9 The Debate About Nature Versus Nurture: How Powerful Is Biology’s Impact on Behavior and Learning?......Page 131
Overview......Page 141
The Myth of the “Good Old Days”......Page 142
What We Can Learn from Single Parents......Page 144
Today’s Challenges......Page 149
11 Strategies for Parents: A Baker’s Dozen: Where Do We Go from Here?......Page 153
1. Teach the Language of Feelings; Empathy Has to Be Taught and Modeled in the Home.......Page 154
2. Place a Value on Staying Attached in the Same Way as We Do for Our Daughters.......Page 155
3. Trust Your Instincts About What You Know Is Good for Your Son.......Page 156
4. Avoid Reinforcing Negative Stereotypes.......Page 157
5. Learn to Find and Use the Teachable Moment.......Page 158
6. Give Boys Permission to Feel Bad.......Page 160
7. Set Limits, Even if He Fights You.......Page 161
8. Give Them Safe Opportunities to Earn Your Trust.......Page 162
9. Try Small Conversations Instead of Extended Discussions or Lectures.......Page 163
11. Encourage Involvement of Fathers.......Page 164
12. Stay Involved with Your Son’s School from Preschool through High School.......Page 165
13. Love Them for Who They Are!......Page 166
12 The Power of Connection: How Can We Redefine Masculinity?......Page 169
Appendix A: Positive Parenting: The Law of Return......Page 175
What Are Focus Groups?......Page 177
Qualitative and Quantitative Research Methods......Page 179
Appendix C: Focus Group Interview Guide: Adolescents......Page 183
Appendix D: Focus Group Interview Guide: Parents......Page 185
Appendix E: How Vulnerable Is My Teen to Depression?......Page 187
Appendix F: Violence Fact Sheet 2004......Page 189
Appendix G: Guns, Gangs, Harmful Threats, and Injury Are Part of Teen Lives: The 2001–02 Pride Summary Report—Violence Survey of Grades 6–12......Page 193
Appendix H: What Can You Do if You Suspect Your Child Is Involved in a Gang?......Page 195
References......Page 197
Gender Studies......Page 211
Psychology......Page 216
Race/Ethnic Studies......Page 218
Sociology......Page 220
Statistics......Page 223
Index......Page 227
About the Authors......Page 241