The rules of parenting: a personal code for bringing up happy, confident children

Cover......Page 1
Title Page......Page 4
Copyright......Page 5
Contents......Page 8
Introduction......Page 14
Rules for staying sane......Page 19
 1 Relax......Page 21
 2 No one is perfect......Page 23
 3 Be content......Page 25
 4 Know what you're good at......Page 27
 5 Almost any rule can be broken occasionally......Page 29
 6 Don't try to do everything......Page 31
 7 You don't have to follow every piece of advice you get (including this one)......Page 33
 8 It's normal to want to escape......Page 35
 9 You're allowed to hide from your kids......Page 37
 10 Parents are people too......Page 39
 11 Don't ignore your relationship with your partner......Page 41
Attitude Rules......Page 43
 12 Love is not enough......Page 45
 13 Every recipe needs different 'ingredients......Page 47
 14 Anything extreme is almost certainly wrong......Page 49
 15 Look pleased to see them......Page 51
 16 Treat your child with respect......Page 53
 17 Enjoy their company......Page 55
 18 It's not about you - it's about them......Page 57
 19 Being tidy isn't as important as you think......Page 59
 20 Good parenting is calculated risk taking......Page 61
 21 Keep your worries to yourself......Page 63
 22 See things from their point of view......Page 65
 23 Parenting is not a competitive sport......Page 67
 24 Never emotionally blackmail them  52......Page 69
Everyday Rules......Page 71
 25 Let them get on with it......Page 73
 26 Let them go (wild)......Page 75
 27 Teach them to think for themselves......Page 77
 28 Use praise wisely......Page 79
 29 Make sure they know what's important......Page 81
 30 Show them how to lose......Page 83
 31 Know the value of boundaries......Page 85
 32 Bribery doesn't have to be bad......Page 87
 33 Moods are catching......Page 89
 34 You're setting their eating patterns for life......Page 91
 35 Communicate......Page 93
 36 Set clear targets......Page 95
 37 Don't be a nag......Page 97
Discipline Rules......Page 99
 38 Present a united front......Page 101
 39 Carrots beat sticks......Page 103
 40 Be consistent......Page 105
 41 Lighten up......Page 107
 42 Focus on the problem, not the person......Page 109
 43 Don't paint yourself into a corner......Page 111
 44 If you lose your temper, you're the loser......Page 113
 45 Apologize if you get it wrong......Page 115
 46 Let them back in......Page 117
 47 The right of expression......Page 119
Personality Rules......Page 121
 48 Find what incentives work for your child......Page 123
 49 Every child should have something they know they're good at......Page 125
 50 Learn to appreciate the qualities that remind you of someone else......Page 127
 51 Look for the similarities between you......Page 129
 52 Find qualities to admire in them......Page 131
 53 Let them be better than you......Page 133
 54 Their attitude is as important as their achievements......Page 135
 55 Keep your fears and insecurities to yourself......Page 137
 56 Mind your programming......Page 139
 57 Don't try to have a perfect child......Page 141
Sibling Rules......Page 143
 58 Give them each other......Page 145
 59 Recognize that squabbling is healthy (within reason)......Page 147
 60 Teach them to sort out their own arguments......Page 149
 61 Work as a team......Page 151
 62 Let them entertain each other......Page 153
 63 Never compare children with each other......Page 155
 64 Different children need different rules......Page 157
 65 Don't have a favourite......Page 159
 66 Mix and match......Page 161
 67 Find each child's strengths......Page 163
School Rules......Page 165
 68 Schooling isn't the same as education......Page 167
 69 School comes as a package......Page 169
 70 Fight your child's corner......Page 171
 71 Bullying is always serious......Page 173
 72 Teach them to stand up for themselves......Page 175
 73 Put up with friends of theirs you don't like......Page 177
 74 Remember you're their parent, not their teacher......Page 179
 75 Don't mollycoddle them......Page 181
 76 Let up the pressure......Page 183
 77 They have to live with their choices (and it's OK)......Page 185
Teenage Rules......Page 187
 78 Don't panic......Page 189
 79 Remember Newton's Third Law......Page 191
 80 Give them a voice......Page 193
 81 Don't look under the mattress......Page 195
 82 Running round after them doesn't help anybody......Page 197
 83 Don't stand in front of a speeding train......Page 199
 84 Yelling isn't the answer......Page 201
 85 Let them have the last word......Page 203
 86 Everything comes with strings......Page 205
 87 Show some respect for the things they care about......Page 207
 88 Adopt a healthy attitude to sex......Page 209
Crisis Rules......Page 211
 89 Don't use your kids as ammunition......Page 213
 90 Let them cope in their own way......Page 215
 91 Being younger doesn't necessarily speed everything up......Page 217
 92 The aftershock can last forever......Page 219
 93 Tell them what's going on......Page 221
 94 Teach them to fail successfully......Page 223
 95 It's better to agree than to be right......Page 225
 96 All of your actions speak louder than any of your words......Page 227
 97 Make sure they know they're priority no. 1......Page 229
 98 You can't fix everything......Page 231
Grown-up Rules......Page 233
 99 Back off......Page 235
 100 Wait until they ask for advice......Page 237
 101 Treat them as adults......Page 239
 102 Don't try to be their best friend......Page 241
 103 Encourage them regardless......Page 243
 104 You can't choose who your children love......Page 245
 105 Leave the strings off......Page 247
 106 Don't guilt-trip them......Page 249
 107 Remember they still need you......Page 251
 108 It's not your fault......Page 253
 109 Once a parent, always a parent......Page 255
Rules about your parents......Page 257
 1 Don't put them on a pedestal......Page 259
 2 Let them be grandparents......Page 261
 3 Don't ask too much of them......Page 263
 4 Don't guilt-trip them - even by mistake......Page 265
 5 Learn to share......Page 267
 6 They're new to this too......Page 269
 7 Understand that they don't come from the same place as you......Page 271
 8 Any grandparent is better than no grandparent......Page 273
 9 Don't bad-mouth them in front of the kids......Page 275
 10 They love you just like you love your kids......Page 277
Had enough yet . . .?......Page 279