Self-Compassion For Dummies

Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Introduction
	About This Book
	Foolish Assumptions
	Icons Used in This Book
	Beyond the Book
	Where to Go from Here
Part 1 Getting Started with Self-Compassion
	Chapter 1 Exploring Self-Compassion
		Befriending Yourself: A Splendid New Relationship
		Understanding Self-Compassion
			Compassion at the core
			Mindfulness
			Common humanity
			Self-kindness
		Looking at the Yin and Yang of Self-Compassion
			“Yin-sights”
			“Yang-sights”
			Balancing soothing and strong
		Asking the Fundamental Question of Self-Compassion
		Introducing the Mindful Self-Compassion Program
			Practice: The Self-Compassion Break
			Inquiring: What arose for you when you took a Self-Compassion Break?
	Chapter 2 Enjoying the Benefits of Self-Compassion
		What Science Says about Self-Compassion
			Measuring how compassionate you really are toward yourself
			Emotional well-being
			The self-compassion trap
		Exploring the Physiology of Self-Criticism and Self-Compassion
			The brain we share with our ancestors
			Being a mammal and “the cuddle hormone”
			Activating our instincts with soothing touch
		Addressing Your Doubts about Self-Compassion
			The five most common misgivings
			Letting your experience be the deciding factor
	Chapter 3 The Self-Compassion Road Ahead
		Why Self-Compassion Isn’t Always Easy
		Getting the Most Out of This Practice
			Having the spirit of an adventurer
			Being a self-compassion scientist
			Being willing to be a slow learner and your own best teacher
			If it’s a struggle, it’s not self-compassion
		Building Resilience Through Courageous Self-Compassion
			Courage and safety: A winning combination
			What you resist, persists
			What you feel, you can heal
		The Four Noble Truths: A Buddhist Perspective on Being Human
			First noble truth: Suffering exists
			Second noble truth: The cause of suffering
			Third noble truth: The end of suffering
			Fourth noble truth: The path to relief of suffering
		Finding What You Need to Feel Safe and Courageous
			Opening and closing to adjust your “dosage”
			Finding your sweet spot of tolerance
			The experience of belonging and deserving
		The Compassionate Friend Meditation
			Practicing the meditation
			Inquiring: What was it like to find your compassionate part?
	Chapter 4 Discovering Mindfulness in Self-Compassion
		Minding the Facets of Mindfulness
		The Body: Your Constant Companion
			Considering how you treat your body
			Anchoring your attention
			Practice: Compassionate mindfulness of the body
			The big deal about the breath
			Practice: Affectionate breathing
		Feelings: Love ’em or Hate ’em, We All Have Them
			Unpacking pleasant and unpleasant moments
			Developing the capacity to recognize feelings
		Minding the “Weather” of the Mind
			The power of language when working with the mind
			Is the dog walking you?
		Mental Objects: Often Arising, Sometimes Helpful
			A little less color and a little more play-by-play
			Five obstacles and how to RAIN on their parade
			A word about practicing mindfulness
Part 2 Traveling on the Self-Compassion Journey
	Chapter 5 Common Humanity: Connection and Belonging
		The Inescapable Truth: We Need Each Other
		Acknowledging Our Universal Human Need
			Survival equals love
			What arises if we feel unloved . . . or unlovable?
			Three common blocks to embracing your common humanity
			Starting small with common humanity
		Two Tasks to Embrace Common Humanity
			Claiming your human birthrights
			Avoiding the perils of perfection
		Practice: Just Like Me
			Just Like Me meditation
			Inquiring: What was it like to see how others are just like you?
	Chapter 6 Cultivating Your Innate Kindness
		We All Just Want to Be Happy
		Investing in Your Capacity to Be Kind
		Practice: Lovingkindness for a Loved One
			Inquiring: What was it like to cultivate kindness?
			Backdraft: When you experience the unexpected
			What if you practiced and felt absolutely nothing?
			What if you practiced lovingkindness and felt great?
		Oh, the Places You’ll Go with Lovingkindness!
	Chapter 7 How Kindness Transforms in the Fire of Life
		Awakening Your Heart and Opening Your Eyes
			Beginning the exercise
			Turning your kindness inward
			Directing compassion toward the other
			Making a compassionate U-turn
			Inquiring into the exercise and being patient
			Remembering that goodwill serves as the common thread
		Weathering Our Own “Storms” of Suffering
			Knowing that we are suffering
			It all begins with mindfulness
			Common humanity: What to do with awareness
		Exploring What We Need in a Moment of Suffering
			Including ourselves in the circle of our compassion
			Practice: Finding lovingkindness phrases
			Inquiring: What was it like to offer yourself what you truly need?
Part 3 The Heartfelt Power of Self-Compassion
	Chapter 8 Discovering Core Values: Your Inner Compass
		Core Values Guide Us and “Re-Mind” Us
			Finding meaning through core values
			Your core values determine your experience
			The relationship between core values and suffering
			Some who wander are, indeed, lost
			Practice: Uncovering your core values
			Inquiring: What was it like to discover your core values?
			Translating values into action
		Dark Nights and Dark Clouds: Wisdom Gleaned from Life’s Challenges
			Seasoning in the stew
			How failure and hardship teach us
			Exercise: Silver linings and golden gifts
			Inquiring: Were you able to identify a silver lining?
	Chapter 9 Dancing with the Inner Critic and Making Change
		The Inner Critic: Self-Monitoring Gone Haywire
			Living with your own worst critic
			Exploring the function of an inner critic
			A note on the malicious inner critic
			The devious inner trickster
		Changing Your Relationship with Your Inner Critic
			How our attempts to manage the critic are doomed
			Thoughts are not facts, and our critic is not us
			The surprising motive of your inner critic
			Practice: Compassionate motivation for making change
			Inquiring: What did you discover?
	Chapter 10 Encountering Difficult Emotions
		Where Are You Now? Stages of Self-Compassion Progress
			The early stage: Striving
			The “muddy middle” of disillusionment
			The bearable lightness of radical acceptance
			A brief reflection to find where you are
		The Practice of Meeting Your Emotions
			“This being human is a guest house”
			Your attitude matters
			Finding hidden value in difficult emotions
		The Five Stages of Encountering Emotions
			Resisting: Slamming the door
			Exploring: Peering through the peephole
			Tolerating: Setting your limits
			Allowing: Letting go
			Befriending: Sitting down to tea
	Chapter 11 Finding Tools for Working with Feelings
		Mindfulness Tools for Meeting Emotions
			Name it and you can tame it
			Feel it and you can heal it
			Self-compassion tools for strong emotions
			Putting it all into practice: Soften, Soothe, and Allow
			Inquiring: What did you notice about working with your emotion in this way?
		Shame: The Most Challenging Emotion of All
			The three paradoxes of shame
			What underlies the phenomenon of shame?
			Practice: Self-Compassion Break for Shame
			Inquiring: How was it to work with shame in this way?
Part 4 Turning Challenge into Opportunity
	Chapter 12 Transforming Challenging Relationships
		Connection as the Foundation for Human Life
			Practice: Giving and receiving compassion
			Inquiring: What was it like to share your compassion?
		Anger: The Pain of Feeling or Fearing Disconnection
			When anger serves us
			When anger harms us
			Meeting anger with self-compassion
			Practice: Meeting Unmet Needs
			Inquiring: What did you discover?
		When Being Connected to Others Hurts
			How and why connection can hurt
			Burnout and the myth of “compassion fatigue”
			Practice: Compassion with Equanimity
			Inquiring: What stood out for you?
	Chapter 13 Forgiving Without Forgetting
		Twelve Principles of Forgiveness
		The Self-Compassionate Path of Forgiveness
			Practice: Five Steps to Forgiveness
			Inquiring: How was it to begin to forgive?
	Chapter 14 Cultivating a Sense of Belonging
		Putting Your “Whole Self In”
			Your identities describe you but need not define you
			Humans are relentless evaluators
		The Power of Belonging
			How you resemble an iceberg
			Reflection: Naming your identity iceberg
			Practice: This, Too Meditation
			Inquiring: How was it to greet your identities?
	Chapter 15 Overcoming Our Ancient Brains: Opening to the Good
		Making Room for Joy
		The Teflon Versus Velcro Conundrum: Accurately Appraising Experience
		Cultivating Happiness by Embracing Your Life
			Savor the flavor . . . of life
			Gratitude and well-being
			Who have you missed? Appreciating our own selves
Part 5 The Part of Tens
	Chapter 16 Ten Paths for Further Practice and Study
		The Center for Mindful Self-Compassion
		Three Core Books on Self-Compassion
		Self-Compassion-Based Retreats
		Community of Practice
		Websites, Audio, Apps, and Other Technology
		CDP: Deepening Your Practice Beyond MSC
		Fierce Self-Compassion
		Self-Compassion for Kids and Teens
		Self-Compassionate Parenting
		The Best Self-Compassion Resource Ever
	Chapter 17 Ten Tips for Keeping Up Your Practice of Self-Compassion
		You Don’t Have to Do Them All
		Furry Friends Are the Best
		The Self-Compassion Workout Approach
		Cultivate a Base of Kindness
		It’s Better Together
		Everybody Must Get Stones
		Practice Behavioral Self-Compassion
		Cultivate Gratitude in Connection
		Be Willing to Start Again . . . and Again
		If It’s a Struggle, It’s Not Self-Compassion
	Chapter 18 Ten Ways Self-Compassion Can Improve Your Relationships
		Finding Out What They Need
		Adopting a Shared Road Map
		Reversing the Downward Spiral
		Giving and Receiving Compassion to and from Your Partner
		Savoring Each Other
		Maintaining Your Relationship to the One in the Mirror
		Making Room for Humor and Joy
		Being Better Together but Good Apart Too
		Finding Shared Lovingkindness Phrases
		Deepening Through Training in Self-Compassion
	Chapter 19 Ten Pocket Self-Compassion Practices for Busy People
		Use the Smallest Unit of Self-Compassion
		Find Your Feet
		Listen to Self-Compassion
		Find Self-Compassion in a SNAP
		Catch the Fleeting Moments and Transitions
		Pinpoint the Unmet Need
		Maintain Connection Despite Busyness
		Really Connect with the People You Meet
		Remember What’s Going on Here, with Me
		Exercise the “Beautiful No”
Index
EULA