Mark Twain's helpful hints for good living : [a handbook for the damned human race]

Illustrations......Page 14
Introduction......Page 16
Everyday Etiquette......Page 28
A Telephonic Conversation......Page 43
At the Funeral......Page 42
Courtesy to Unexpected Visitors......Page 40
Breaking It Gently......Page 39
About American Manners......Page 38
An Innovative Dinner Party Signal System......Page 35
Be Good, Be Good. A Poem.......Page 34
About the Effect of Intemperate Language......Page 30
Modest Proposals and Judicious Complaints......Page 50
Suggestion to Persons Entering Heaven......Page 72
Notice. To the Next Burglar......Page 71
Political Economy......Page 64
About the Proposed Street-Widening......Page 63
On Telephones and Swearing......Page 61
An Unwanted Magazine Subscription......Page 60
An Appeal against Injudicious Swearing......Page 58
Notice about a Stolen Umbrella......Page 57
Complaint about Unreliable Service......Page 56
Proposal Regarding Local Flooding......Page 53
A Christmas Wish......Page 52
The American Table......Page 74
Food and Scenery......Page 93
A Remarkable Dinner......Page 87
An Inauspicious Meal......Page 83
American versus European Food......Page 78
Memories of Food on an American Farm......Page 76
Travel Manners......Page 96
A Night Excursion in a Hotel Room......Page 102
Communicating with the Locals......Page 100
Traveling in Close Quarters......Page 98
Health and Diet......Page 110
Smoking, Diet, and Health at Age Seventy......Page 126
Experience of the McWilliamses with Membranous Croup......Page 119
A Miracle Cure......Page 118
A Healthful Cocktail......Page 116
The “Wake-Up-Jake”......Page 114
Young Sam Clemens and Old-Time Doctoring......Page 112
Parenting and the Ethical Child......Page 132
Advice to Youth......Page 149
Youthful Misdemeanors......Page 148
A Sampling of Childish Ethics......Page 140
On Training Children......Page 138
On Theft and Conscience......Page 137
The Late Benjamin Franklin......Page 134
Clothes, Fashion, and Style......Page 154
A Sumptuous Robe......Page 168
Clothes and Deception......Page 165
That White Suit......Page 164
The Hand of Fashion......Page 158
A Fashion Item......Page 156
In Case of Emergency......Page 170
Under a Policeman’s Eye......Page 191
Burglary and the Well-Tempered Householder......Page 188
Escape of the Tarantulas......Page 185
The Great Earthquake in San Francisco......Page 177
An Apparition......Page 176
Playing “Bear”......Page 172
About the Texts......Page 198
Works Cited......Page 218
Acknowledgments......Page 222