Making Friends as an Adult For Dummies

Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Introduction
	About This Book
	Foolish Assumptions
	Icons Used in This Book
	Beyond the Book
	Where to Go from Here
Part 1 Uncovering the Challenges of Making New Friends as an Adult
	Chapter 1 Understanding the Challenges of Making Friends
		Exploring the Reasons Why Making New Friends Is Challenging
			Believing they don’t have time
			Prioritizing work, family, and romantic relationships over friendships
			Moving away and starting over
			Being rigid about friendships
			Being apathetic
			Navigating trust issues
			Being hampered by social anxiety
			Having fewer opportunities to make new friends
			Having rusty social skills
			Having smaller social circles due to the pandemic
		Exploring How Common It Is to Struggle with Friendships
			Exploring the epidemic of loneliness
			Understanding social isolation
		Identifying New Turning Points
			Moving to a new city and starting over
			Becoming a new parent
			Getting divorced and having to create a new social life
			Being widowed
			Retiring and leaving friends behind at work
			Outgrowing your friend group
			Working from home
		Understanding Why Adulthood Is a Great Time for New Friendships
	Chapter 2 Discovering Why Some People Have a Harder Time Making Friends
		Seeing Why Men Have a Harder Time Making Friends
			Doing things side by side
			Having smaller social circles
			Making friends if you’re a man
		Understanding Why LGBTQIA + People Have a Harder Time with Friendships
			Distinguishing between platonic vibes and romantic vibes
			Making friends when you’re queer
		Exploring Why Parents of Older Kids Have a Harder Time Making Friends
			Dealing with an empty nest and lost friendships
			Making friends if your kids are older
		Understanding Why Older Adults Have a Harder Time Making Friends
			Identifying why friendships are important for older adults
			Making friends when you’re older
		Understanding Why Neurodivergent People Have a Harder Time Making Friends
			Seeing why friendships are important for neurodivergent people
			Making friends when you’re neurodivergent
	Chapter 3 Assessing Your Friendship Needs
		Exploring Why We Need Adult Friendships
			The importance of friendship for overall well-being
			The benefits of friendship for health and longevity
			How friendship provides a circle of support
		Contemplating How Many Friends You Really Need
			Exploring friendship turnover
			Understanding Dunbar’s number
		Clarifying Why You Want More Friends
			Having more people to do things with
			Feeling more connected
			Reducing loneliness
			Developing a circle of support
		Determining Whether You’re an Introvert or an Extrovert and Knowing Why It Matters
			Discovering your type
			Determining the impact on friendships
		Doing a Friendship Self-Evaluation
		Determining How Often You Want to Meet Up with Friends
		Living Your Best Life
	Chapter 4 Manifesting Your Ideal Friend
		Reflecting on Important Friendship Qualities
			Thinking like a real estate agent
			Considering what qualities make you a good friend
			Preferring a friend who is similar to you or different from you
		Remembering the Ghosts of Friendships Past
			Your first best friend
			Friendship mistakes you don’t want to repeat
		Having Multiple Friendship Baskets
		Setting Friendship Goals
			Setting short-term friendship goals
			Setting long-term friendship goals
		Determining Your Overall Friendship Strategy
			Writing a friendship mission statement
			Taking on a new friendship challenge
		Designing Your Friendship Vision Board
			Creating your vision board
			Deciding what to include
		Creating Positive Friendship Affirmations
			Creating positive affirmations
			Using positive affirmations
Part 2 Discovering How to Make New Friends
	Chapter 5 Finding Friends in New Places
		Knowing What It Takes for Friendships to Happen
			Proximity: Keeping your friends close
			Frequency: Making time
		Branching Out from Your Regular Routine
		Joining Groups to Make Friends
			Knowing what to look for in a group
				Looking for groups that mesh with your interests
				Zeroing in on groups that meet regularly
				Prioritizing groups where socializing takes center stage
			Committing to the group for three sessions
			Seeing who you connect with
		Identifying the Top Places to Find Like-Minded Friends
			Meetup groups and Facebook social groups
			Senior centers
			Gyms and exercise classes
			New parents groups
			Newcomers’ groups
			Religious congregations
			Advocacy groups
			Online social groups or discussion forums
			In-person or online adult learning
			Neighborhoods
			Book clubs
			Sports leagues
			Alumni groups
			Professional networking organizations
			Friendship apps
			Volunteer activities
		Starting Your Own Social Group
			Deciding what type of group to start
			Knowing how to start your own group
			Hosting events to find friends
	Chapter 6 Approaching New People
		Leaving Your Comfort Zone
			Building up your courage
			Risking rejection
			Understanding the importance of positive self-talk
		Deciding Who to Approach in New Settings
			Looking for newcomers
			Finding friendly people
			Finding others who are similar to you
			Meeting others in a similar life stage
			Connecting with others who seem lonely
		Deciding If Someone Is Open to Meeting New People
			Demonstrating positive body language
			Having an approachable demeanor
			Hanging out solo
			Having a friendly attitude
			Knowing when someone doesn’t want to be approached
		Exploring the Best Ways to Approach People
			Identifying the benefits of approaching first
			Understanding where you can approach new people
			Identifying places where you shouldn’t try to meet new people
			Approaching new people without giving off dating vibes
				Clarifying your intentions right away
				Seeking out friendships
				Understanding the challenges of platonic gender-diverse friendships
		Acing Your First Impression
			Understanding why first impressions matter
			Setting yourself up for success
		Figuring Out If You Click with Someone New
			Experiencing friend chemistry
			Determining how you feel around them
			Sharing mutual interests in common
		Keeping in Mind That You’re Not Going to Like Everyone
			Assuming that people like you
			Improving your self-esteem
			Remembering that not everyone is looking for a friend
			Being prepared to kiss a lot of frogs
			Being patient
	Chapter 7 Making Small Talk with New People
		Demystifying Small Talk
			Warming up
			Talking to strangers
		Psyching Yourself Up for Small Talk
			Deciding when and where to make small talk
			Determining how long to chat
		Mastering the Art of Small Talk
			Giving compliments
			Asking open-ended questions
			Asking about their work or hobbies
			Being a good listener
			Asking for advice or recommendations
		Wrapping Up Small Talk
		Exploring What It Means to Be “Bad at Small Talk”
	Chapter 8 Coping with Shyness and Social Anxiety
		Understanding Shyness
			Understanding when people feel shy
			Exploring whether shyness is nature or nurture
			Understanding the symptoms of shyness
			Overcoming shyness
		Exploring Social Anxiety
			Understanding how social anxiety affects friendships
			Understanding signs and symptoms
			Exploring coping strategies
	Chapter 9 How to Be Friendlier
		Discovering the Importance of Being Friendlier
			Helping to enhance your social life
			Helping you do better on the job
			Helping you get treated better
		Cultivating More Approachable Traits
			Being positive and uplifting
			Exuding warmth
			Looking put together and having good hygiene
			Showing expressiveness
			Having a sense of humor
			Being easygoing and flexible
			Being humble
			Being a people person
			Being supportive and caring
			Showing vulnerability
		Making Other People Feel Liked
			Making people feel good when they’re around you
			Checking in on people
			Being responsive
			Connecting on social media
			Showing interest in them
			Being happy to see them
			Initiating plans
			Showing up for them
			Giving compliments
			Showing appreciation
	Chapter 10 Making Deeper Connections with People
		Diagnosing Your Connection Challenges
			Engaging in self-reflection
			Determining what’s in and out of your control
			Exploring compatibility
			Knowing when you’ve connected deeply
		Understanding the Ingredients of Deeper Connections
			Spending lots of time together
			Having an intense experience that bonds you
			Showing your true colors
			Showing up for others
			Being open
			Paying attention to others
			Having fun together
		Being Vulnerable in Friendships to Form Deeper Connections
			Being vulnerable builds trust
			Sharing something small
			Being able to confide in each other
		Moving from Small Talk to Deeper Conversations
			Understanding the differences
			Recognizing the challenges
			Preparing for deep conversation
			Moving things along with conversation starters
			Being a good listener
	Chapter 11 Turning Acquaintances into Friends
		Recognizing When You Have an Acquaintance
		Determining If There’s Friend Potential
			Deciding if there’s a spark
			Troubleshooting when there’s no spark
		Planting the Seeds of Friendship
			Inviting them out
			Showing that you’re into them
			Asking for a favor
			Inviting them into your home
			Acting like they’re already your friend
			Being vulnerable and authentic
			Being a good listener
			Being there when they need help
		Noticing the Shift
		Troubleshooting Friend-Making Challenges
			Being perpetually stuck in the acquaintance stage
			Identifying the pitfalls of trying to befriend any random person
			Handling fear of rejection
		Taking Things Slowly
		Building Courage and Self-Confidence
		Identifying When You’ve Made a Friend
		Turning Online Friends into Real Friends
Part 3 Keeping Your Friendships Going
	Chapter 12 Reaching Out to People
		Staying in Touch with Your New Friend
			Determining the right time to exchange contact information
			Psyching yourself up for the big ask
			Asking for their digits in person
			Asking for their digits electronically
			Choosing what contact info to give
			Responding to the “we should get together sometime” phrase
		Reaching Out to Your New Friend
			Knowing when to reach out
			Keeping things casual
			Being willing to compromise
			Making sure your hangout goes smoothly
			Scheduling another get-together
			Dealing with no response
			Coping with rejection
		Following Up with Your Friend
			Determining how often to meet up
			Handling a lack of reciprocity
	Chapter 13 Being a Good Friend
		Understanding the Challenges to Being a Good Friend
		Considering Who You Tend to Gravitate Toward
		Exploring Your Earliest Friendship Role Models
		Embodying the Qualities of a Good Friend
			Being supportive
			Initiating get-togethers
			Being a good listener
			Being nonjudgmental
			Making time for your friend
			Showing interest
			Making them feel valued
			Avoiding being clingy and needy
			Showing up for them
			Being considerate
			Avoiding emotional dumping
			Being honest
			Being respectful of their time
			Being loyal
			Being thoughtful
			Being inclusive
			Being a good conversationalist
		Keeping a New Friendship Going
			Taking the initiative to plan get-togethers
			Putting yourself out there
		Knowing What to Do When Your Friendship Feels One-Sided
		Interacting on Social Media
			Determining when to become friends or followers on social media
			Interacting with your friend’s posts
			Responding to declined friend requests
		Improving Communication with Friends
		Setting Healthy Boundaries with Friends
			Understanding when to set boundaries
			Saying no respectfully
	Chapter 14 Creating a Sense of Community
		Understanding the Concept of Community
			Exploring how community enriches our lives
			Identifying what it feels like to lack community
		Exploring How to Build Community
			Starting with your neighborhood
			Building community at work
			Considering your congregation
			Exploring “third places”
			Seeing the same people regularly
			Starting your own group
			Using the internet
			Participating in community events
			Inviting other people over
		Creating a Family of Choice
			Creating a family of friends
			Exploring online surrogate family sites
		Knowing When You’ve Built Community
Part 4 Handling Friendship Foibles
	Chapter 15 Navigating Common Friendship Challenges
		Navigating the Most Common Friendship Challenges
			Dealing with mismatches in expectations
			Dealing with a bossy friend
			Dealing with a competitive friend
			Handling the chronically late friend
			Dealing with the flaky friend
			Being betrayed by a friend
			Dealing with lack of reciprocation and one-sided friendships
			Handling a lack of responsiveness
			Being rejected
			Growing apart
		Working Through Friendship Challenges
			Step 1: Identifying the issues and your feelings
			Step 2: Determining how much it bothers you
			Step 3: Deciding what to let slide
			Step 4: Managing your anger
			Step 5: Considering your friend’s perspective
			Step 6: Advocating for yourself
			Step 7: Asking for feedback
			Step 8: Taking a break
		Communicating Effectively with Your Friends
			Using I statements
			Avoiding the blame game
			Deciding to make changes
	Chapter 16 Ending Friendships the Right Way
		Exploring the Most Common Reasons Why Friendships End
			Outgrowing the friendship
			Moving away
			Changing the environment
			Becoming one-sided
			Having irreconcilable differences
			Experiencing major life changes
			Feeling unappreciated and unsupported
			Not liking how you feel around your friend
			Starting a new relationship or having a child
			No longer enjoying their company
			Experiencing betrayal
		Knowing When It’s Time to End a Friendship
			Writing the letter you’ll never send
			Exploring other considerations when thinking about ending a friendship
		Identifying How Divorce Impacts Friendships
			Keeping your mutual friends after divorce
			Finding new friends after divorce
		Deciding to Downgrade instead of Ending a Friendship
		Exploring Different Ways to End a Friendship
			Ghosting
			Doing the slow fade
			Having an upfront friend breakup discussion
		Coping with a Friendship’s End
			Navigating through grief and loss
			Processing your feelings by journaling
			Talking it out
			Leaning on other friends
			Celebrating what was positive about the friendship
			Coming up with a closure ritual
	Chapter 17 Identifying What to Do When Making Friends Seems Impossible
		Understanding Why Nothing Has Worked
		Reflecting on Past Friendship Successes and Challenges
			Thinking back on past friendships
			Reflecting on past friendship milestones
			Trying to reconnect with old friends
			Reconnecting with long-lost family members
		Identifying Your Friendship-Making Strengths and Weaknesses
		Doing a Deep Dive Into Your Friendship Challenges
		Finding a Friendship Mentor
		Coping with Frustration, Sadness, and Loneliness
		Calling in the Professionals
			Working with a therapist
			Finding a support group
			Looking for group therapy
	Chapter 18 Coping with Loneliness
		Distinguishing Between Loneliness and Solitude
		Differentiating Between Chronic Loneliness and Transient Loneliness
		Understanding Why You’re Feeling Lonely
			Having fewer connections
			Having difficulty making friends
			You’re socially isolated
			You feel like you don’t fit in
			You experienced childhood emotional neglect
		Understanding Why Society Is Lonelier Than Ever
		Exploring the Implications of Loneliness
			Identifying the health risks
			Understanding the social implications
		Exploring Coping Strategies for Loneliness
		Coping with an Empty Social Calendar
		Building Resilience
			Engaging in positive self-talk
			Celebrating small wins
			Improving your self-esteem
Part 5 The Part of Tens
	Chapter 19 Ten Reasons Why You’re Having Trouble Making Friends
		You Won’t Put in the Time
		You’re Not Prioritizing Friendships
		You Want One Friend to Be Your Everything
		You’re Not Interested in Others
		You’re a Little Too Needy
		You’re Doing Something Off-Putting
		You’re Not Willing to Reach Out
		It’s Your Way or the Highway
		You Have Too Many Friendship Deal-Breakers
		You’ve Gotten Used to Rejection
	Chapter 20 The Ten Types of Friends You Really Need
		The Activity Partner
		The Connector Friend
		The Older and Wiser Friend
		The Parent Friend
		The Same-Life-Stage Friend
		The All-Around BFF
		The Group-Setting Friend
		The Go-Getter Friend
		The Amateur Therapist Friend
		The Blast-from-the-Past Friend
	Chapter 21 Ten Ways to Have a Vibrant Social Life When You Don’t Have Friends Yet
		Joining Groups and Attending Events
		Attending Community Events
		Creating Meaningful Experiences by Volunteering
		Becoming Involved in Your Religious Congregation
		Joining a Senior Center
		Having a Weekly Social Commitment
		Starting Your Own Business
		Dating Yourself to Create a Fulfilling Social Life
		Making an Online Friend
		Being a Friendly Caller or Friendly Visitor
Index
EULA