Levitate the Primate: Handjobs, Internet Dating, and Other Issues for Men

Introduction & Mea Culpa
 Must Be Willing to Lie About How We Met
 Monogamy is for Losers
 My First Muff Dive
 Date With a Parking Ticket In It
 Two Women in One Night
 H\'s Version of Our Night Out
 Are You My Girlfriend Now?
 Natasha Richardson, or Smoking Cigarettes on the Roof
 Ass Bangin\' and Astral Projection
 I Was a Six-Year-Old Virgin
 Morning Breath
 Premature Ejaculation
 Having Sex at Weddings
 Intimacy on a Trip to the Dentist
 Shave My Bush
 How to Pick Up Women
 Breaking Up in a Text Message
 Rate My Penis Size
 On Your Own, or Moving On
 Rate my Blowjobs
 The 45-Minute Walkout. Hitting Snooze on the Morning AfterCome on My Face
 The Wine Bar as the End of Civilization
 Some Corner in Brooklyn
 Your Mom Will Do
 Buying New Underwear, or Sex in a Dressing Room
 How to Pick Up a Bartender
 The Funny Thing About Handjobs
 There\'s a Possibility You\'ve Been Infected With HIV
 Let\'s Make Babies
 The Three-Year Itch
 Why Women Suck in Bed
 I Kissed A Boy
 Picking Up Women in Gay Bars
 Why Women Are Great in Bed
 My Mother
 Sex With 19-Year-Olds
 The Gun Show, or Is That All You Got?
 Living Like A Bachelor
 Because I Can
 My Kingdom for a Boner. Does My Butt Show When I Walk?Let Me Seduce You with The Cardigans
 Tom Brady\'s Love Handles
 Chest Hair, or the Shaved Eunuch
 Who is Lauren Cohan and Why Is She Hitting On Me?
 Willing to Relocate
 How Soon, Sex Toy?
 Crying In Public: My Cubicle
 Moving to New York and Where It Got Me
 The Seductive Art of Dancing
 Taking A Break From Dating
 Loyal as a Dog
 The Most Expensive Date I\'ve Ever Been On
 Women at Thirty, or the Scent of the Medicine Cabinet
 Get Your Hands Off of My Woman
 Don\'t Google \'Fisting\', and Why Women Apologize So Much
 My Friend\'s Girlfriend is My Girlfriend. Getting LaidIf You Can Get Me Hard I\'ll Show You A Good Time
 How I Would Make Love to Gloria Swanson
 Going to Bed Angry
 My First STD
 Show Me Your Penis
 Talking About Sex With Your Parents
 The Hooker on the Corner
 Don\'t Make Poopy in the Office
 The F U Date
 Having Sex on Inauguration Night
 Kissing in the Rain
 Let\'s Just Be Friends
 Infidelity
 Listening to the Neighbors Have Sex
 Macho Voce, or Women Who Sound Like Men
 Making Love to ESPN
 Having Sex at Weddings Redux
 Old Love Letters, or Things That Got Thrown Away in the Move
 Super Macho Man Slumber Party. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, or Leaving HomeMoving to New York
 Long Distance Lovers
 The Celebrity You Most Resemble
 How to Pick Up a Nurse at the HIV Clinic
 Lying Lovers, or the Padded Bra
 Look Ugly in a Photograph
 Using Your Words
 Tool Academy
 Sleeping Naked
 Becoming a Virgin Again
 Masturbating Upside Down
 I Am Error
 Levitating in Time.