Exercising Influence: A Guide For Making Things Happen at Work, at Home, and in Your Community

Cover......Page 1
About This Book......Page 2
Dedication......Page 5
Title Page......Page 6
Copyright......Page 7
Contents......Page 8
Acknowledgments......Page 10
Part I Exercising Influence......Page 12
1 What We’ve Got Here Is Failure to Influence . . .......Page 14
The Value of Influence Skills......Page 17
Influence and Power......Page 20
Influence and Leadership......Page 22
Your Sphere of Influence......Page 23
Empowerment: Buzzword or Reality?......Page 26
Benefits and Costs of Exercising Influence......Page 28
Where Should We Exercise Influence?......Page 29
Developing and Improving Influence Fitness......Page 30
A Framework for Influence......Page 32
Results: What Would Success Look Like?......Page 33
Relationships: How Well Do You Influence One Another?......Page 34
Context: What Else Is Going On?......Page 35
Approach: How Will I Achieve Results?......Page 37
What Is the Issue?......Page 39
The Purpose of Expressive Influence......Page 40
The Expressive Behaviors......Page 41
Nonverbal Components of Expressive Behaviors......Page 43
Using Expressive Influence at Work......Page 44
Using Expressive Influence at Home......Page 45
Using Expressive Influence in Your Community......Page 46
When to Use Expressive Behaviors......Page 47
The Purpose of Receptive Influence......Page 50
The Receptive Behaviors......Page 52
Nonverbal Components of Receptive Behaviors......Page 54
Using Receptive Influence at Work......Page 55
Using Receptive Influence at Home......Page 58
Using Receptive Influence in Your Community......Page 59
When to Use Receptive Behaviors......Page 60
Responding to Opportunities......Page 62
Creating Opportunities......Page 64
Managing Influence Situations......Page 65
Part II Planning for Influence......Page 68
The Pros and Cons of Planning......Page 70
Phase Two: Charting the Course......Page 71
Phase Three: Troubleshooting......Page 72
If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going . . .......Page 74
Developing a Challenging Influence Goal......Page 76
Flexible......Page 77
Useful......Page 78
The Value of Persistence......Page 79
You, Me, and Us......Page 82
The Importance of Balance......Page 83
Creating Your Influence Future......Page 84
Influence Happens in the Other Person......Page 86
Understanding Values, Needs, and Aspirations......Page 87
Working with Personality, Interests, and Preferences......Page 89
Examining Your Assumptions......Page 91
Difficult People or Difficult Situations?......Page 92
Influencing in an Open System......Page 94
Organizations, Teams, and Families......Page 96
Timing Is Everything—Almost......Page 97
Wants Versus Needs......Page 98
Style and Blind Spots......Page 99
Readiness, Reluctance, and Risk......Page 100
Doing Your Homework......Page 102
Confidence Is Power......Page 104
Reviewing the Influence Framework......Page 106
Reframing......Page 107
Planning Your Approach......Page 110
Setting Yourself Up for Success......Page 111
Responding to New Information......Page 112
Dealing with Defensiveness, Resistance, and Avoidance......Page 113
Managing Yourself......Page 115
The Uses of Silence......Page 116
Making It Up on the Fly......Page 117
Part III Special Issues in Influence......Page 120
Manipulation Versus Influence......Page 122
What Doesn’t Work......Page 125
The Wonders and Terrors of Instant Communication......Page 128
First, You Have to Get Their Attention . . .......Page 130
Preventing Misunderstandings, Embarrassment, and Other E-Mail Disasters......Page 132
Text and Instant Messaging and Beyond......Page 133
When Is Indirect Influence Appropriate?......Page 136
Influencing as Part of a Group......Page 137
Disengaging as a Means to an End......Page 138
Using Other Means to Influence Indirectly......Page 140
Maintaining and Improving Your Influence Fitness......Page 142
Try This at Work......Page 143
Making Things Happen at Home......Page 144
Try This at Home......Page 145
Making Things Happen in Your Community......Page 146
Try This in Your Community......Page 147
Afterword: The Paradox of Failure......Page 150
A Coaching Partnerships......Page 152
B Influence Plan......Page 156
C Meeting Processes That Support Effective Influencing......Page 160
D Sentence Starters......Page 166
E Influence Scenarios......Page 170
Notes......Page 184
Resources......Page 186
Index......Page 188
About the Author......Page 194
Pfeiffer Publications Guide......Page 198