Echoes of the Trauma: Relational Themes and Emotions in Children of Holocaust Survivors

Cover......Page 1
Index......Page 3
Title......Page 5
Copyright......Page 6
Contents......Page 9
Foreword:The Internal Echoes of Holocaust......Page 11
Preface......Page 17
Acknowledgments......Page 21
Children of holocaust survivors - the "second generation"......Page 23
"Because of that war": transmission of trauma from parents to their children......Page 25
Clinical case studies versus empirical research on children of holocaust survivors......Page 27
Searching for the echoes of trauma: asking the relevant questions......Page 31
A narrative approach to bridging the gap between clinical case studies and empirical research......Page 32
Outline of the book chapters......Page 33
The core conflictual relationship theme method......Page 35
The Use of Narratives......Page 36
The Relationship Anecdotes Paradigm Interview......Page 39
Scoring Relationship Episodes......Page 40
Reliability and Validity of the CCRT......Page 42
Correspondence with the Concept of Transference......Page 43
Part One RELATIONAL THEMES IN THE NARRATIVES......Page 47
3 Wishes for Closeness and Autonomy......Page 49
The wish for closeness: themes of care and intimacy......Page 50
Analysis of the thirst story using the CCRT framework:......Page 51
Wish to Be Understood and Supported......Page 53
Wish for Closeness That Is Fulfilled......Page 54
Wish to Be Helped......Page 55
Wish to Feel Togetherness: The Wedding Story......Page 56
The Movie of the Trip with Mother to Poland......Page 59
The Wish to Be Free to Make One’s Own Choices......Page 62
The Electrical Hand Drill Story......Page 64
The Burned Box Story......Page 67
The Diary Story......Page 70
Wish Not to Submit to Parents’ Overprotection......Page 73
I Really Wanted to Go on this Group Trip Abroad......Page 74
Wish for Separateness – Leaving Home and Marrying......Page 76
To Be Free from Mother’s Tight Embrace......Page 77
Mother’s Overriding Voice......Page 78
4 The Need to Protect Vulnerable Parents and to Avoid Conflicts......Page 80
Cycling Injury and the Broken Arm......Page 81
Her Words Completely Paralyzed Me: The Trip to the Sea of Galilee......Page 85
Father Waiting Anxiously at the Bus Stop......Page 89
Commitment to the Parents......Page 90
To protect mother in response to her overprotection......Page 91
Commitment to parents in adulthood......Page 93
“All That They Went Through There”......Page 94
Walking on Eggshells in Response to Mother’s Vulnerability......Page 96
Everything They Did Was Allowed......Page 97
Avoidance of asking the parent about the holocaust......Page 98
Closing comments......Page 99
5 "Without Words": Themes of Interpersonal Communication......Page 101
Without words......Page 103
I Did Like This with My Mouth......Page 104
I Did Not Utter a Word about It: The Party Story......Page 105
Things You Absorb… Things without Words......Page 107
Knowing-not knowing......Page 109
We Did Not Know; She Did Not Tell......Page 111
Communication as process......Page 113
It Was a Very Important Discovery......Page 114
This Time She Spoke More Freely......Page 115
Part Two EMOTIONS IN THE NARRATIVES......Page 117
6 Anger......Page 119
Anger in response to parents' extreme overprotective behaviors......Page 121
Fusion of Aggression and Caring: “You Forget Because She Spoils You as Well”......Page 123
My Father HadNervous Attacks Sometimes… I Did Not Understand His Reaction......Page 125
Difficulty Handling Parents’ Anger......Page 127
Difficulty in Expressing Frustration Openly toward Survivor Parents......Page 128
Parental Intrusiveness that Elicits the Child’s Anger in Adulthood......Page 129
Mother Pushing Son to Marry and Son Boiling with Anger: “Get Off My Case”......Page 130
Anger over Mother’s Interference with Grandchild: “She’s Still Trying to Manage My Life”......Page 131
Big Fight with Husband......Page 133
Angry at the Wife......Page 134
Anger at a Friend......Page 135
Wife’s Anger at Parents-in-Law......Page 136
Spouse’s Anger toward the Couple’s Child......Page 137
Closing comments......Page 138
Guilt......Page 140
Mom Thought, “The Child Has Been Murdered”… I Felt, “What Have I Done?”......Page 142
She Did Not Tell Me Why the Noise Drives Her Crazy… I Insisted......Page 145
The Army Official’s Surprise Visit......Page 146
I Am Not Guilty for What Happened to Her, It Is NotMy Fault......Page 147
Shame and embarrassment......Page 149
Why Is He Leaving Food on His Plate?......Page 150
I Did Not Like Being Different…It Is a Lousy Feeling of Shame......Page 152
You Do Not Expect Your Parent to Embarrass You......Page 153
Anxiety/fear......Page 155
Fear of Abandonment: “These Worries She Passed on to Me”......Page 158
Shared Panic of Mother and Daughter: “We Were Like Two Shaking Fish”......Page 159
They Had Marks of the Holocaust…All Kinds of Fears......Page 163
The More That Is Hidden from the Child, the Greater the Anxiety......Page 164
Parents’ Anxiety as a Burden: I Did Not Have the Strength While I Was Giving Birth......Page 165
Helplessness......Page 167
Death Anxiety and Helplessness......Page 168
The Whirlpool Story......Page 169
Helplessness with the Newborn Baby During the 1991 Gulf War......Page 171
Overbearing Helplessness in Seeing the Aging Parents’ Suffering from Illness......Page 173
They Couldn’t Resist, but We Can......Page 174
9 Loneliness......Page 176
Studying loneliness episodes in the relationship anecdotes paradigm interviews......Page 178
Echoes of parental intrusive traumatic memories......Page 179
Mother’s Startle Responses......Page 180
Images of Fire......Page 181
Echoes of numbing responsiveness and detachment......Page 182
Perceived parents' caregiving style in the loneliness experiences......Page 183
Being Left Alone Prematurely to Manage on One’s Own......Page 184
The Raw Meat Story......Page 185
Role Reversal and theWish to Be Understood......Page 186
The Balls on the Duvet Story......Page 188
I Did Not Have Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles: Something Is Missing......Page 189
Loneliness as failed intersubjectivity......Page 190
10 Joy and Pride......Page 192
Joy......Page 193
The Ice Cream Story......Page 194
Fun with Father – “Doing” Together......Page 196
Father’s Backing: He Stopped and Focused His Attention on Helping Me Out......Page 197
Financial Support that Gives Joy to Both Father and Son......Page 198
The Surprise Birthday Party......Page 199
Pride......Page 200
Pride in Personal Achievements and Their Children’s Achievements......Page 201
Pride and Admiration of Parents......Page 202
Admiring the Parents for Surviving and Rebuilding Their Lives – “I Would Probably Have Died on the First Hour”......Page 203
Mother Was Never Tired…I Don’t Understand How She Did It......Page 204
The Granddaughter’s Injection of Health Visit in the Hospital......Page 205
Pride of the Children of Holocaust Survivors about Their Relationships with Their Children......Page 206
Part Three: HEALING TRAUMA IN THE CHAIN OF THE GENERATIONS......Page 209
11 The Second Generation's Experience of Parenting Their Adolescent Children......Page 211
Change and continuity through the generations......Page 213
Parent–Daughter Relationship through Mother’s Eyes: Chaya......Page 215
Themes of Compliance versus Independence......Page 216
Themes of Familial Communication......Page 218
The Menstruation Story......Page 219
Holocaust-Related Themes......Page 220
The Letter for the Trip to Poland......Page 221
Death and Grief......Page 222
Mother–Daughter Relationship through Daughter’s Eyes: Inbal......Page 223
Looking Back on Received Parenting versus Current Parenting: Chaya......Page 227
Change in Parenting through Father’s Eyes......Page 228
Looking Back on Received Parenting versus Current Parenting: Yehuda......Page 231
Challenges on the path to corrective parent-child relationships......Page 233
Echoes of His Father’s Past......Page 234
Current Father–Son Relationship through Father’s Eyes: Giora......Page 235
Mother–Son Relationship through Mother’s Eyes: Esti......Page 236
Parent–Son Relationship through the Eyes of the Adolescent Son: Yoav......Page 238
Looking Back on Received Parenting versus Current Parenting: Giora......Page 239
Looking Back on Received Parenting versus Current Parenting: Esti......Page 240
Continuity and change in anxiety and communication......Page 241
To Protect, to Protect......Page 242
Change in Communication Patterns through Mother’s Eyes......Page 244
Attempts to Get His Father to Talk about the Holocaust......Page 245
Parent–Daughter Relationship through Daughter’s Eyes: Shelly......Page 246
On the quest for corrective parenting: closing comments......Page 247
12 Growing Up to the Music of Knowing-Not Knowing: Reflections and Clinical Implications......Page 252
The relational themes and emotions in the narratives......Page 254
Some clinical implications......Page 255
Conflicts between Talk and Silence......Page 258
Dialectical Processes in Knowing–Not Knowing......Page 260
The Limitation of Words in Telling the Holocaust Story......Page 262
Intergenerational Holocaust-Related Communication......Page 264
Working through Knowing–Not Knowing Processes......Page 268
Recruitment of the Participants to Our Second-Generation Study......Page 271
The Narrative Qualitative Analysis......Page 273
Recruitment of the Participants to the Parenting Adolescents Study......Page 274
Procedure......Page 275
References......Page 279