Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family

Front Cover......Page 1
Title Page......Page 3
Copyright......Page 4
Contents in Brief	
......Page 6
Contents......Page 7
CHAPTER 1 Choices in Relationships: An Introduction......Page 27
Facts about Choices in Relationships......Page 28
What If?: What if You Have Made a Commitment to Marry but Feel It Is a Mistake?......Page 29
Self-Assessment: The Relationship Involvement Scale......Page 30
Global, Structural/Cultural, and Media Influences on Choices......Page 33
Other Influences on Relationship Choices......Page 37
Marriage......Page 38
Elements of Marriage......Page 39
Types of Marriage......Page 41
Social Policy: Marriage Education in Public Schools......Page 43
Definitions of Family......Page 44
Types of Families......Page 46
Differences between Marriage and Family......Page 47
The Industrial Revolution and Family Change......Page 48
Families amid a Context of Terrorism......Page 49
Social Exchange Framework......Page 51
Family Life Course Development Framework......Page 52
Structural-Functional Framework......Page 53
Conflict Framework......Page 54
Symbolic Interaction Framework......Page 55
Family Systems Framework......Page 56
Transpersonal Psychology Framework......Page 57
Game Framework......Page 58
Steps in the Research Process......Page 60
Specific Issues in Evaluating Research Quality......Page 61
CHAPTER 2 Love......Page 69
Love Styles......Page 71
Romantic versus Realistic Love......Page 72
Self-Assessment: The Love Attitudes Scale......Page 73
Personal Choices: Do You Make Relationship Choices with Your Heart or Head?......Page 75
Triangular View of Love......Page 76
Social Control of Love......Page 77
Research Application: Love in Black and White......Page 79
Ancient Views of Love......Page 80
Social Policy: Love in the Workplace......Page 81
Evolutionary Theory......Page 82
Sociological Theory......Page 83
Attachment Theory......Page 84
Body Type Condition for Love......Page 85
Psychological Conditions for Love......Page 86
Destruction of Existing Relationships......Page 88
Abusive Relationships......Page 89
Stalking: When Loves Goes Mad......Page 90
Jealousy in Relationships......Page 91
Consequences of Jealousy......Page 92
Gender Differences in Coping with Jealousy......Page 93
Compersion and Polyamory......Page 94
A Short Primer on Polyamory......Page 95
My 20+ Years of Experience with Polyamory: An Interview with Paxus Starr......Page 96
CHAPTER 3 Gender......Page 102
Terminology of Gender Roles......Page 103
What If?: What if You Have a Child Who Is Intersexed?......Page 104
Gender......Page 105
Gender Identity......Page 106
Transgenderism......Page 107
How Undergraduate Women View Men......Page 108
Gender Differences in Viewing Romantic Relationships......Page 109
Gender Role Ideology......Page 110
Biosocial......Page 111
Identification......Page 112
Family......Page 113
Religion......Page 114
Personal Choices: Do You Want a Nontraditional Occupational Role?......Page 115
Gender Roles in Latino Families......Page 116
Gender Roles in Afghanistan under the Taliban......Page 117
Gender Roles in Swedish Families......Page 118
Consequences of Traditional Female Role Socialization......Page 119
Social Policy: Female Genital Alteration......Page 122
Consequences of Traditional Male Role Socialization......Page 123
Androgyny......Page 126
What If?: What if Your Spouse Were a Cross-Dresser?......Page 127
CHAPTER 4 Communication......Page 133
The Nature of Interpersonal Communication......Page 134
Self-Assessment: Supportive Communication Scale......Page 135
Research Application: "Hold the Phone!"—Cell Phone Use and Partner Reaction......Page 136
Benefits of Conflict......Page 137
Sources of Conflict......Page 138
Styles of Conflict......Page 139
Principles and Techniques of Effective Communication......Page 140
Self-Disclosure, Honesty, and Lying......Page 143
Forms of Dishonesty and Deception......Page 144
Lying in College Student Relationships......Page 145
Gender Differences in Communication......Page 146
Personal Choices: How Close Do You Want to Be?......Page 147
Social Exchange......Page 148
Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues......Page 149
Generate Alternative Win-Win Solutions......Page 150
Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms......Page 152
Research Application: Marital Quality—Keep It High for Good Health......Page 153
Personal Choices: Should Parents Argue in Front of the Children?......Page 154
CHAPTER 5 Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation......Page 158
Individuals Are Delaying Marriage Longer......Page 159
Social Movements and the Acceptance of Singlehood......Page 160
Personal Choices: Is Singlehood for You?......Page 162
What If?: What if You Are Afraid of Being Alone and Just Settle for Someone?......Page 163
Never-Married Singles......Page 164
Divorced Singles......Page 165
Intentional Communities......Page 167
Twin Oaks: An Alternative Context for Living......Page 168
Ways of Finding a Partner......Page 170
Hooking Up......Page 171
The Internet—Meeting Online and After......Page 172
Speed-Dating: The Eight-Minute Date......Page 174
Functions of Involvement with a Partner......Page 175
Personal Choices: Should I Get Involved in a Long-Distance Relationship?......Page 177
Dating after Divorce......Page 179
Dating during the Puritan Era in the United States......Page 180
Effects of the Industrial Revolution on Dating......Page 181
Cohabitation......Page 182
Self-Assessment: Relationships Dynamics Scale......Page 183
Eight Types of Cohabitation Relationships......Page 184
Consequences of Cohabitation......Page 186
What If?: What if Your Partner Wants to Live Together and You Do Not?......Page 189
Personal Choices: Will Living Together Ensure a Happy, Durable Marriage?......Page 190
Legal Aspects of Living Together......Page 191
Living Apart Together......Page 192
Advantages of LAT......Page 193
Disadvantages of LAT......Page 194
CHAPTER 6 Mate Selection......Page 199
Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection......Page 200
Exogamy......Page 201
Homogamy: Twelve Factors......Page 202
Self-Assessment: Open-Mindedness Scale......Page 205
Complementary-Needs Theory......Page 208
Exchange Theory......Page 209
Searching for Homogamy: An In-Class Exercise......Page 210
Desired Personality Characteristics for a Potential Mate......Page 211
Personality Characteristics of Partners to Avoid......Page 212
Research Application: Traditional Husband? University Women Who Want One......Page 213
Personal Choices: Who Is the Best Person for You to Marry?......Page 214
Asking Specific Questions......Page 215
Self-Assessment: Involved Couple's Inventory......Page 216
Prenuptial Agreement......Page 219
What If?: What if My Partner Insists That I Sign a Prenuptial Agreement?......Page 221
Age 18 or Younger......Page 222
Abusive Relationship......Page 223
Low Sexual Satisfaction......Page 224
Escape......Page 225
Research Application: Become Involved with Someone on the Rebound? How Fast Should You Run?......Page 226
Filling a Void......Page 227
CHAPTER 7 Marriage Relationships......Page 232
Individual Motivations for Marriage......Page 233
Societal Functions of Marriage......Page 235
What If?: What if My Partner Is Not as Interested in the Relationship as I Am?......Page 236
Marriage as a Rite of Passage......Page 237
Weddings......Page 238
Honeymoons......Page 239
Photo Essay: Weddings......Page 240
What If?: What if My Partner and I Disagree over Various Wedding Issues?......Page 242
Friendship Changes......Page 243
Marital Changes......Page 244
Parents and In-Law Changes......Page 245
Financial Changes......Page 246
Hispanic Families......Page 247
Muslim American Families......Page 248
Amish and Mennonite Families......Page 250
Military Families......Page 252
Interracial Marriages......Page 256
Self-Assessment: Attitudes toward Interracial Dating Scale......Page 257
Cross-National Marriages......Page 258
Age-Discrepant Relationships and Marriages......Page 259
Definition and Characteristics of Successful Marriages......Page 260
Theoretical Views of Marital Happiness and Success......Page 262
The Value of Marriage Education Programs......Page 263
Healthy Marriage Resource Center......Page 264
CHAPTER 8 Same-Sex Couples and Families......Page 268
Prevalence of Homosexuality, Bisexuality, and Same-Sex Couples......Page 270
Problems Associated with Identifying and Classifying Sexual Orientation......Page 271
Prevalence of Homosexuality, Heterosexuality, and Bisexuality......Page 272
Beliefs about What "Causes" Homosexuality......Page 273
Can Homosexuals Change Their Sexual Orientation?......Page 274
Homonegativity and Homophobia......Page 275
Self-Assessment: The Self-Report of Behavior Scale (Revised)......Page 276
Personal Choices: Are the Benefi ts of "Coming Out" Worth the Risks?......Page 277
Relationship Satisfaction......Page 279
Monogamy and Sexuality......Page 281
Relationships of Bisexuals......Page 282
Decriminalization of Sodomy......Page 283
Registered Partnerships, Civil Unions, and Domestic Partnerships......Page 284
Same-Sex Marriage......Page 286
Development and Well-Being of Children with Gay or Lesbian Parents......Page 289
Discrimination in Child Custody, Visitation, Adoption, and Foster Care......Page 290
Social Policy: Should We Prohibit Adoption by Lesbian and Gay Couples?......Page 291
Effects of Antigay Bias and Discrimination on Heterosexuals......Page 292
Increased Contact between Homosexuals and Heterosexuals......Page 294
The Global Fight for Same-Sex Equality......Page 295
CHAPTER 9 Sexuality in Relationships......Page 302
Sexual Values......Page 303
Absolutism......Page 304
Social Policy: Abstinence Sex Education in the Public Schools......Page 305
Relativism......Page 307
Friends with Benefits......Page 308
Sexual Double Standard......Page 309
Personal Choices: Deciding to Have Intercourse with a New Partner......Page 310
Sources of Sexual Values......Page 312
Masturbation......Page 313
Oral Sex......Page 314
First Intercourse......Page 315
Anal Sex......Page 316
Cybersex......Page 317
Gender Differences in Sexual Behavior......Page 318
Research Application: What Happens in Vegas: Sexual Desires Absent Social Constraints......Page 319
Racial Differences in Sex Attitudes and Behaviors of Undergraduates......Page 320
Sexual Relationships among Married Individuals......Page 321
Safe Sex: Avoiding Sexually Transmitted Infections......Page 322
What If?: What if I Fear My Partner Has Given Me an STI?......Page 323
STI Transmission—The Illusion of Safety in a "Monogamous" Relationship......Page 324
Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem, and Health......Page 326
An Equal Relationship......Page 327
Avoiding Spectatoring......Page 328
Debunking Sexual Myths......Page 330
CHAPTER 10 Planning Children and Contraception......Page 335
Social Influences Motivating Individuals to Have Children......Page 337
Individual Motivations for Having Children......Page 338
Lifestyle Changes and Economic Costs of Parenthood......Page 339
Research Application: Undergraduate Gender Differences in Attitudes toward Children......Page 340
How Many Children Do You Want?......Page 341
Childfree Marriage?......Page 342
Two Children?......Page 343
Personal Choices: Is Genetic Testing for You?......Page 344
Problems Associated with Teenage Motherhood......Page 345
Research Application: Baby Think It Over: Evaluation of an Infant Simulation Intervention for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention......Page 346
Infertility......Page 347
What If?: What if Your Partner Is Infertile—Would You Marry the Partner?......Page 348
Assisted Reproductive Technology......Page 349
Costs of Adoption......Page 352
Transracial Adoption......Page 353
Self-Assessment: Attitudes toward Transracial Adoption Scale......Page 354
Foster Parenting......Page 355
Hormonal Contraceptives......Page 356
Male Condom......Page 358
Female Condom......Page 359
Intrauterine Device (IUD)......Page 360
Cervical Cap......Page 361
Emergency Contraception......Page 362
What If?: What if the Condom Breaks—Do You Seek Emergency Contraception?......Page 363
Sterilization......Page 364
Talking with a Partner about Using Contraception......Page 366
Incidence of Abortion......Page 367
Reasons for an Abortion......Page 368
Physical Effects of Abortion......Page 370
Personal Choices: Should You Have an Abortion?......Page 371
CHAPTER 11 Parenting......Page 377
Roles Involved in Parenting......Page 378
Personal Choices: Providing Housing for One's Adult Children?......Page 380
Nature of Parenting Choices......Page 382
Transition to Motherhood......Page 383
Self-Assessment: The Traditional Motherhood Scale......Page 385
Transition to Fatherhood......Page 386
Transition from a Couple to a Family......Page 387
Each Child Is Unique......Page 388
Parents Are Only One Influence in a Child's Development......Page 389
Parenting Styles Differ......Page 390
Social Policy: Government or Parental Control of Internet Content for Children?......Page 391
Photo Essay: Parenting Practices around the World......Page 392
Give Time, Love, Praise, and Encouragement......Page 394
Personal Choices: Should Parents Reward Positive Behavior?......Page 395
Set Limits and Discipline Children for Inappropriate Behavior......Page 396
Personal Choices: Should Parents Use Corporal Punishment?......Page 397
Encourage Responsibility......Page 398
Self-Assessment: Spanking versus Time-Out Scale......Page 399
Respond to the Teen Years Creatively......Page 400
What If?: What if Your Teenager Lies to You?......Page 401
Single-Parenting Issues......Page 402
Challenges Faced by Single Parents......Page 403
Approaches to Child Rearing......Page 405
Developmental-Maturational Approach......Page 406
Behavioral Approach......Page 407
Parent Effectiveness Training Approach......Page 409
Socioteleological Approach......Page 410
Attachment Parenting......Page 411
CHAPTER 12 Family and the Economy......Page 416
What If?: What if You and Your Partner Feel Differently about Being in Debt?......Page 417
Income Distribution and Poverty......Page 418
Effects of Poverty on Marriages and Families......Page 420
Being Wise about Credit......Page 421
Credit Rating and Identity Theft......Page 422
Discussing Debt and Money: Do It Now......Page 423
Money as Power in a Couple's Relationship......Page 424
Working Wives......Page 425
Wives Who "Opt Out"......Page 426
Types of Dual-Career Marriages......Page 427
Effects of the Wife's Employment on the Wife......Page 428
Effects of the Wife's Employment on the Marriage......Page 429
Effects of the Wife's Employment on the Children......Page 430
Self-Assessment: Maternal Employment Scale......Page 431
Day-Care Considerations......Page 432
Balancing Work and Family......Page 434
Time Management......Page 435
Social Policy: Government and Corporate Work-Family Policies and Programs......Page 436
Importance of Leisure......Page 437
Individual and Relationship Problems Related to Leisure......Page 438
What If?: What if Your Partner Uses Cell Phone and E-Mail Throughout Your Vacation?......Page 439
Research Application: Coed Anger over Romantic Partner's Video Game Playing......Page 440
CHAPTER 13 Violence and Abuse in Relationships......Page 445
Violence......Page 446
Self-Assessment: Abusive Behavior Inventory......Page 447
Emotional Abuse......Page 448
Research Application: Emotional Abuse: Victim Profile and Why Universities Should Care......Page 449
Stalking in Person......Page 450
Stalking Online—Cybervictimization......Page 451
Cultural Factors......Page 452
Individual Factors......Page 454
Family Factors......Page 455
Acquaintance and Date Rape......Page 456
Research Application: Date Rape: Undergraduate Victim Profile......Page 458
Rophypnol—The Date Rape Drug......Page 459
General Abuse in Marriage......Page 460
Personal Choices: Would You End an Abusive Marital Relationship?......Page 461
Effects of Partner Abuse on Children......Page 462
The Cycle of Abuse......Page 463
How One Leaves an Abusive Relationship......Page 464
Strategies to Prevent Domestic Abuse......Page 465
Physical Abuse and Neglect......Page 466
Factors Contributing to General Child Abuse......Page 467
Effects of General Child Abuse......Page 468
Intrafamilial Child Sexual Abuse......Page 469
Effects of Child Sexual Abuse......Page 470
Parent Abuse......Page 471
Sibling Abuse......Page 472
Elder Abuse......Page 473
CHAPTER 14 Stress and Crisis in Relationships......Page 481
Definitions of Stress and Crisis Events......Page 482
A Family Stress Model......Page 483
Self-Assessment: Internality, Powerful Others, and Chance Scales......Page 484
Friends and Relatives......Page 485
Biofeedback......Page 486
Education......Page 487
Reacting to Prostate Cancer: One Husband's Experience......Page 488
Mental Illness......Page 490
Middle Age Crazy (Midlife Crisis)?......Page 491
Extramarital Affair (and Successful Recovery)......Page 492
Self-Assessment: Attitudes toward Infidelity Scale......Page 494
What If?: What if You Are Tempted to Cheat on Your Partner?......Page 496
Personal Choices: Should You Seek a Divorce If Your Partner Has an Affair?......Page 497
Substance Abuse......Page 499
Social Policy: Alcohol Abuse on Campus......Page 501
Self-Assessment: Motives for Drinking Alcohol Scale......Page 502
Death of Family Member......Page 503
Suicide of Family Member......Page 504
Marriage and Family Therapy......Page 505
Effectiveness of Behavioral Couple Therapy versus IBCT......Page 506
Some Caveats about Marriage and Family Therapy......Page 507
CHAPTER 15 Divorce and Ending Relationships......Page 513
Percentage of Marriages Ending in Divorce......Page 514
Changing Family Functions and Structure......Page 515
Mobility and Anonymity......Page 516
Negative Behavior......Page 517
Value Changes......Page 518
What If?: What if You Love But Get Tired of Your Partner?......Page 519
Top Twenty-Five Factors Associated with Divorce......Page 520
Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship......Page 521
Remain Unhappily Married or Divorce?......Page 522
Consequences for Spouses Who Divorce......Page 523
Recovering from a Broken Heart......Page 524
Self-Assessment: Psychological Adjustment to Separation Test......Page 525
Personal Choices: Choosing to Maintain a Civil Relationship with Your Former Spouse......Page 526
Fathers' Separation from Children......Page 527
Parental Alienation Syndrome......Page 528
What If?: What if Your Former Spouse Tries to Turn Your Children against You?......Page 529
Effects of Divorce on Children......Page 530
Self-Assessment: Children's Beliefs about Parental Divorce Scale......Page 531
How Does Parental Divorce Affect the Romantic Relationships of College Students?......Page 532
Minimizing Negative Effects of Divorce on Children......Page 533
What Divorcing Parents Might Tell Their Children: An Example......Page 535
Personal Choices: Is Joint Custody a Good Idea?......Page 536
Conditions of a "Successful" Divorce......Page 537
Social Policy: Should Divorce Mediation Be Required before Litigation?......Page 538
Annulment......Page 541
Divorce Prevention......Page 543
CHAPTER 16 Remarriage and Beginning New Relationships......Page 549
Remarriage for Divorced Individuals......Page 550
Issues of Remarriage......Page 551
What If?: What if Your Ex-Spouse or Ex-Partner Wants to Get Back Together?......Page 552
Remarriage for Widowed Individuals......Page 553
Stability of Remarriages......Page 554
Definition and Types of Stepfamilies......Page 555
Unique Aspects of Stepfamilies......Page 556
Stepfamilies in Theoretical Perspective......Page 558
Stages in Becoming a Stepfamily......Page 559
Happier Parents......Page 560
The New Stepmother......Page 561
Accepting a Partner's Children......Page 562
Having Another Child......Page 563
The New Stepfather......Page 564
The Man with Children Who Marries a Woman without Children......Page 565
The Man without Children Who Marries a Woman with Children......Page 566
Children in Stepfamilies......Page 567
Feelings of Abandonment, Divided Loyalties, New Discipline, and Stepsiblings......Page 568
Ambiguity of the Extended Family......Page 569
Integrate the Stepfather into the Child's Life......Page 570
What If?: What if Your Children Will Not Accept Your New Spouse or Partner?......Page 571
Cooperate with the Children's Biological Parent and Co-Parent......Page 572
Anticipate Great Diversity......Page 573
CHAPTER 17 Relationships in the Later Years......Page 577
The Concept of Age......Page 578
Ageism......Page 580
Theories of Aging......Page 581
Caregiving for the Frail Elderly—the "Sandwich Generation"......Page 582
Personal Choices: Should I Put My Parents in a Long-Term Care Facility?......Page 584
Income......Page 587
Physical Health......Page 588
Mental Health......Page 589
Social Policy: Physician-Assisted Suicide for Terminally Ill Family Members......Page 590
What If?: What if Your Spouse with Alzheimer's Disease Says "No" to a Nursing Home?......Page 591
Retirement......Page 592
Sexuality......Page 593
Successful Aging......Page 595
Relationships among Elderly Spouses......Page 596
Married 84 Years, and Still Loving......Page 597
Research Application: Difficulties, Disagreements, and Disappointments in Late-Life Marriages......Page 598
Grandparenthood......Page 600
Styles of Grandparenting......Page 601
Effect of Divorce on a Grandparent-Child Relationship......Page 602
Death of One's Spouse......Page 603
Involvement with New Partners at Age 80 and Beyond......Page 604
Preparing for One's Own Death......Page 605
EPILOGUE The Future of Marriage and the Family......Page 612
SPECIAL TOPIC 1 Sexual Anatomy and Physiology......Page 614
Female External Anatomy and Physiology......Page 615
Female Internal Anatomy and Physiology......Page 616
Male External Anatomy and Physiology......Page 618
Male Internal Anatomy and Physiology......Page 619
SPECIAL TOPIC 2 Sexual Dysfunctions......Page 621
Sexual Dysfunctions of Women......Page 622
Sexual Dysfunctions of Men......Page 625
SPECIAL TOPIC 3 Human Immunodeficiency Virus and Other Sexually Transmitted Infections......Page 628
Human Immunodeficiency Virus Infection......Page 629
Other Sexually Transmissible Infections......Page 631
Getting Help for HIV and Other STIs......Page 635
SPECIAL TOPIC 4 Careers in Marriage and the Family......Page 636
Family Life Education......Page 637
Child and Family Services......Page 638
Family Mediation......Page 639
SPECIAL TOPIC 5 Resources and Organizations......Page 640
Appendix A: Individual Autobiography Outline......Page 647
Appendix B: Family Autobiography Outline......Page 650
Appendix C: Prenuptial Agreement of a Remarried Couple......Page 652
Appendix D: Living Will......Page 655
Appendix E: Durable Power of Attorney......Page 657
Glossary......Page 659
Name Index......Page 669
Subject Index......Page 680