Tweens: What to expect from - and how to survive - your child's pre-teen years

Contents......Page 8
Acknowledgements......Page 12
Introduction......Page 14
1 What kind of teenager will I be?......Page 18
How is it for you?......Page 21
The difference between a tween and a teenager......Page 22
The life tasks of a tween......Page 23
Beginning to have a sense of privacy which excludes parents......Page 29
Managing secrets and lies......Page 31
What kind of teenager will I be?......Page 34
Coping with life outside the home......Page 39
2 Suffering from body ambition .........Page 46
Looking back......Page 47
How is it for you?......Page 53
Emerging sexuality......Page 54
Looking forward – “All you need is Maybelline\"?......Page 59
3 How tweens change families......Page 63
A tween challenges family rituals and traditions......Page 64
Understanding a challenge to family tradition......Page 66
Managing a challenge to family traditions......Page 67
Moping in their bedroom......Page 68
Managing moping in the bedroom......Page 72
On being sad your children are growing up......Page 74
The impact on siblings......Page 75
Managing sibling relationships......Page 77
Issues influencing how you respond as a parent......Page 78
Who has all the fun? – feeling envious of your tween......Page 83
Understanding the obsession with mobile phone......Page 84
The rewards for parenting a tween......Page 86
4 Cool or mateless...?......Page 89
What is self-esteem?......Page 90
The development of self-esteem......Page 92
The importance of the group......Page 94
On dumping parents......Page 100
When your tween is sidelined by their friends......Page 102
When they have no friends......Page 103
The child who is easily led......Page 106
Understanding the constant rows......Page 108
How parents can help to build self-esteem......Page 110
The first boundary – children and parents are different......Page 114
“Why should I …?” – the purpose of boundaries and rules......Page 116
Enforcing rules and boundaries......Page 121
Parenting styles......Page 123
Responding to the battles in spite of yourself!......Page 127
The sophisticated art of negotiating with tweens......Page 131
Are you really listening?......Page 135
Are you really hearing?......Page 137
Punishment vs. encouragemen......Page 138
The risks of over-protecting your tween......Page 140
6 Keeping a head in school......Page 142
Transition to secondary school......Page 143
How are you coping at secondary school?......Page 144
What is school for the tween?......Page 146
School symbolizes adult demands......Page 147
Exam stress......Page 151
Poor attainments and coping with disappointments......Page 153
Rudeness to teachers......Page 154
The demand for social collaboration and a community spirit......Page 155
The demand for regular attendance......Page 159
7 Just looking? … just longing? .........Page 166
Tomb raiders, Star Warsand Buffy the......Page 172
Talking to tweens about sex......Page 175
Masturbation......Page 177
Homosexuality – whom should I love?......Page 178
Are you really letting them make up their own mind?......Page 180
Protection, permissiveness and under age sex......Page 181
Keeping safe: helping tweens manage unwanted sexual advances from adults......Page 184
8 Sex, drugs and rock \'n\' roll on a diet......Page 186
Why do they need to take risks?......Page 188
Why don’t they realize the risks of taking risks?......Page 189
Stealing......Page 190
Smoking, drinking and drugs......Page 193
The obsession with computers......Page 196
Eating disorders......Page 199
Eating disorders as a solution......Page 202
Managing eating disorders......Page 204
Under age sex and promiscuity......Page 205
The influence of an absent parent......Page 207
How lone parent families differ......Page 209
Lone families may be coping with trauma......Page 212
Boundaries and discipline in a lone parent family......Page 216
Advantages of single parent families......Page 221
Step-parenting and reconstituted families......Page 222
How reconstituted families differ......Page 223
Signs a tween may be struggling …......Page 224
Reconstituted families are not the same as nuclear families......Page 227
Further reading......Page 228
References......Page 232
Index......Page 234