Things I've learned from women who've dumped me

I think my son is a catch / Barbara Karlin --
Introduction / Nick Hornby --
Sex is the most stressful thing in the history of the universe / Dan Vebber --
Girls don\'t make passes at boys with fat asses / Andy Richter --
Beware of math tutors who ride motorcycles / Will Forte --
Persistence is for suckers / David Wain --
The heart is a choking hazard / Stephen Colbert --
Don\'t come on your cat / Neal Pollack --
Technology can be friend and foe / Alex Gregory --
Eggs must be broken / Tom Shillue --
Women are never too young to mess with your head / Larry Wilmore --
Keep some secret admirers secret / Eric Slovin --
A grudge can be art / Andy Selsberg --
I still like Jessica / Rodney Rothman --
Don\'t leave too much room for the Holy Spirit / Tom McGarthy --
I am a gay man / Dan Savage --
Nine years is the exact right amount of time to be in a bad relationship / Bob Odenkirk --
A dog is no reason to stay together / Damian Kulash, Jr. --
Strange gifts can scare / Marcel Dzama --
You too will get crushed / Ben Karlin --
You can encapsulate feelings of regret, panic, and desperation in a two-and-a-half-minute pop song / Adam Schlesinger --
I\'m easy / Paul Simms --
Things more majestic and terrible than you could ever imagine / Todd Hanson --
Always make her feel like she\'s #1 / Alex Gregory --
Dirty girls make bad friends / A.J. Jacobs --
Being awkward can be a prophylactic against dry humping / Matt Goodman --
Lessons of a cyclical heart / Marcellus Hall --
Dating a stripper is a recipe for perspective / Patton Oswalt --
Sometimes you find a lost love, sometimes you don\'t / Bob Kerrey --
Don\'t enter a karaoke contest near Smith College
 you will lose to lesbians / Jason Nash --
Get dumped before it matters / David Rees --
It wasn\'t me, it was her / Rick Marin --
She wasn\'t the one / Bruce Jay Friedman --
Notes towards a unified theory of dumping / Sam Lipsyte.