The rules of people: a personal code for getting the best from everyone

Front Cover......Page 1
Title Page......Page 4
Copyright Page......Page 5
Contents......Page 6
Introduction......Page 11
Understanding people......Page 15
 1 Understanding helps......Page 17
 2 No one has to be like you......Page 19
 3 People hear what they want to hear......Page 21
 4 People believe what they want to believe......Page 23
 5 Your attitude influences their response......Page 25
 6 Remember your first impression......Page 27
 7 People are tribal......Page 29
 8 Everyone wants to feel valued......Page 31
 9 They only tease you if they like you......Page 33
 10 … but banter isn’t teasing......Page 35
 11 Everyone else is insecure too......Page 37
 12 Spots don’t change......Page 39
 13 Behaviour isn’t character......Page 41
 14 Other people’s relationships are a mystery......Page 43
 15 Big words are there to impress you......Page 45
 16 Confrontation can be scary......Page 47
 17 People feel nervous because they care......Page 49
 18 Angry people are sad people......Page 51
 19 Crying isn’t always sad......Page 53
 20 Some people just don’t think......Page 55
 21 Square pegs don’t fit in round holes......Page 57
 22 Wild and wacky isn’t always fun......Page 59
 23 It’s hard being 13......Page 61
 24 They’ll shout if you do......Page 63
 25 Responsibility creates independence......Page 65
 26 Teenagers hate you because they love you......Page 67
 27 Talking is what matters......Page 69
 28 Listening is what matters......Page 71
 29 No one likes saying sorry......Page 73
 30 The world is full of rebels......Page 75
 31 Some weirdos are great people......Page 77
Helping people......Page 79
 32 Put your oxygen mask on first......Page 81
 33 Get in the swamp......Page 83
 34 It’s OK just to feel......Page 85
 35 Listen, don’t solve......Page 87
 36 Know your limitations......Page 89
 37 It’s not a competition......Page 91
 38 Never give advice......Page 93
 39 Accept their decision......Page 95
 40 Give them control......Page 97
 41 Get them to think for themselves......Page 99
 42 Learn to be psychic......Page 101
 43 Listen to what they don’t say......Page 103
 44 People who can’t find an answer may not want one......Page 105
 45 Don’t tell people to move on......Page 107
 46 Loneliness is a state of mind......Page 109
 47 Give them privacy......Page 111
 48 All interactions are positive or negative......Page 113
 49 Not everyone wants help......Page 115
Getting them on your side......Page 117
 50 Loyalty runs both ways......Page 119
 51 Remember the details......Page 121
 52 Flattery should never be empty......Page 123
 53 Praise effectively......Page 125
 54 Keep your praise in proportion......Page 127
 55 People want to be liked......Page 129
 56 Earn their respect......Page 131
 57 Have a sense of humour......Page 133
 58 Don’t be scared to admit your mistakes......Page 135
 59 Be tolerant......Page 137
 60 Make individual relationships......Page 139
 61 Turn the best side to the front......Page 141
 62 People generally agree with themselves......Page 143
 63 Credit people with your own ideas......Page 145
 64 Don’t tell them they’re wrong (even if they are)......Page 147
 65 Get them to collaborate......Page 149
 66 Be human......Page 151
 67 Share......Page 153
 68 Say thank you properly......Page 155
 69 Get under their skin......Page 157
 70 Criticise constructively......Page 159
 71 Agree without agreeing......Page 161
 72 Let them win......Page 163
 73 Make it three-dimensional......Page 165
 74 Give and take......Page 167
 75 Know what you both want......Page 169
 76 Get all their cards on the table......Page 171
 77 Give them a get-out......Page 173
 78 Never be scared......Page 175
 79 Don’t get caught on the hop......Page 177
Difficult people......Page 179
 80 There’s only one person you can change......Page 181
 81 It’s scary being controlled......Page 183
 82 If they feel small, they’ll big themselves up......Page 185
 83 Shouty people want to be heard......Page 187
 84 Negative people can’t half be useful......Page 189
 85 Control freaks know they’re right......Page 191
 86 Blackmailers want to control you......Page 193
 87 Insecurity can cause mistrust......Page 195
 88 Prejudice comes from ignorance......Page 197
 89 Martyrs crave recognition......Page 199
 90 Sensitive people can’t toughen up......Page 201
 91 People will listen if it’s in their interest......Page 203
 92 Passive-aggressive people fear conflict......Page 205
 93 Patronising can be accidental......Page 207
 94 You can’t beat a true narcissist......Page 209
 95 Moaners don’t want to change......Page 211
 96 Competitive complainers don’t just need a whinge......Page 213
 97 Secrets are full of power......Page 215
 98 Some people just can’t lose......Page 217
 99 Manipulation is more than just persuasion......Page 219
 100 Busy people are less trouble......Page 221
These are the Rules......Page 223
Back Cover......Page 238