The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life

STEP ONE: DEFINING THE PROBLEM
	Introduction: The Great Cradle Debate
		Safety or Growth—It’s Your Choice
		The Decision Maker’s Bill of Rights
		How to Use This Book
	Chapter 1: A Bird’s-Eye View
		Is This a Woman’s Decision?
		How to Get Your Hand Off the Panic Button
		Deciding Under Emergency Circumstances
		How Long Is Too Long?
		Will the Wrong Decision Ruin Your Life?
		Anxiety-Proof Yourself
STEP TWO: OVERCOMING OBSTACLES
	Chapter 2: Secret Doors
		Inner Conflict
		Looking Back
		Body Talk
		Visions of Baby
		Values
		Timetables
		Looking In
		Nuts and Bolts of Parenting Couples Exercises
	Chapter 3: In and Out of the Pressure Cooker
		You Can Go Home Again
		The Family Tree
		An Unhappy Childhood
		My Parents/Myself
		My Mother/My Wife
		Friends and Other Meddlers
		The “Babies Are Wonderful” Crowd
		Games Parents Play with Childfree People
		Games Childfree People Play
		The Conformity Syndrome
		Stilling the Angry Voices
		Is There an End in Sight for the Childfree?
	Chapter 4: Poison Vials
		Poison Vials About Parenthood
		Poison Vials About the Childfree Choice
		Poison Vials About Preparing for Parenthood
		A Final Word About Poisons
STEP THREE: CONSIDERING HAPPINESS
	Chapter 5: Which Way Happiness?
		Building Blocks of Happiness
		Happiness and Marriage
		What the Experts Say About Happiness
STEP FOUR: MAKING THE DECISION
	Chapter 6: Tug-of-War, or What to Do When Couples Conflict
		Games Couples Play
		Decision-Makers’ Bill of Responsibilities to Partner
		First Aid for Battling Couples
		Working It Out
		Don’t Become a “Single” Married Parent
		Is Counseling the Answer?
		Before You Head to the Divorce Court . . .
		The Second Time Around
		Separate Faces—An Exercise for the ABP
		A Final Word About Conflict
	Chapter 7: Breaking the Age Barrier—Delayed Parenthood
		Advantages of Delayed Parenthood
		Disadvantages of Delayed Parenthood
		The Medical Story
		Motherhood Over 35 Is Not for Everybody
		Am I/Are We Too Old to Parent?
		Minimizing the Problems of Older Parenthood
		Reasons for Delaying Parenthood
		Talking to Parents and In-Laws About Older Parenthood
	Chapter 8: Only Child—A Singular Solution
		Advantages of an Only Child
		Disadvantages to Having an Only Child
		Deciding to Have a Second Child
		Considering a Third Child
	Chapter 9: Alternative Parenting
		Gay Parenting
		Checklist for Gay Couples Who May Become Parents
		Single Parenting
		List of Possible Decisions for Single People Considering Parenthood
		Another Possibility/ The Reframe
		Will My Child Feel Weird and Alone?
		Why Be a Single Parent?
		Joys of Single Parenthood
		Difficulties of Single Parenthood
		It’s Your Choice
		Considerations for Potential Single Parents
		Pregnancy Through Intercourse
		Donor Insemination
	Chapter 10: Solving Fertility Problems
		Early Stage
		Pregnancy Loss
		Self-Care After Pregnancy Loss
		Logistics
		The Middle Stage
		Coping with a Pregnancy after Infertility or a Miscarriage
		Bill of Rights for Women Pregnant After Infertility
		Later Stage: Thinking About Stopping Treatment
		Psychological Actions to Help You Consider Stopping
		Grief Work as Preparation To Stop Trying
	Chapter 11: Adoption
		Guidelines for Considering Adoption
		Common Forms of Adoption
		Open Adoption
		Special Needs Adoption
		Legal Risk Adoptions
		Transracial or Multi-Cultural Adoption
		An Overview of the Adoption Process
		Simultaneous Trying
		Ground Rules for Pursuing Adoption and Pregnancy Simultaneously
	Chapter 12: Help!
		Seeking Professional Help
		Choosing the Right Kind of Help
		What to Look for in a Therapist
		How to Find Help
STEP FIVE: ACTING ON YOUR DECISION
	Chapter 13: Embracing Your Childfree Life
		Living with the Childfree Choice
		Looking to the Future
		Making It Final—Sterilization
		If You Are Considering Making It Final
		Using What You’ve Learned About Yourself to Grow
		The Childfree Person—A New Kind of Pioneer
	Chapter 14: Small Pleasures: Looking Toward Parenthood
		Three’s Company—Preparing for the Baby
		Look Forward to the Creativity and Joy You Hope to Experience
		Lessons from Room Nineteen: How to Be a Mother Without Being a Martyr
		Survival Tactics
		Advice for Full-Time, At-Home Mothers
		Advice for Working Mothers
		Advice for All Mothers
	Chapter 15: Grape Juice on Mommy’s Briefcase, or How to Combine Motherhood and Career Without Losing Your Mind or Your Job
		Juggling Career and Motherhood
		Who’s Changing the Diapers—Parents as Partners
		Guidelines for Shared Parenting
		Father Power
		Finding Your Own Path to Shared Parenthood
		Day Care? Where?—Mother’s Dream or Nightmare?
		Guilt
		Jealousy
		Anger
		Choosing the Right Kind of Day Care
		Guidelines for Evaluating Your Child Care Choices
	Chapter 16: How to Make the Most of Your Decision
		Should You Announce Your Decision?
Acknowledgments
Acknowledgments for First Edition
APPENDIX 1: Bibliography
	The Decision
	Social Commentary
	Personal Growth
	Marriage/ Relationships
	Childfree Choice
	Pregnancy
	Nursing
	Postpartum
	Parenting
	Motherhood
	Balancing Careers and Children
	Fatherhood and Shared Parenthood
	Adoption
	Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender
	Infertility
	Pregnancy Loss
	The One-Child Family
	Single Parents, Single Women
	Step-Parenting
APPENDIX 2: Resources
	Childfree
	Birth and Postpartum
	Infertility and Pregnancy Loss
	Adoption
	Parenting
	Breastfeeding
	Step-Families
	Gay Resources
APPENDIX 3: Interview with Kayla Sheets, Genetic Counselor
APPENDIX 4: My Own Baby Decision
INDEX
About the Author
How to Contact Merle