Strategies for Building Successful Relationships with People on the Autism Spectrum: Let's Relate!

Strategies for Building Successful Relationships with People on the Autism Spectrum\n......Page 7
Contents\n......Page 11
Foreword by Liane Holliday Willey\n......Page 15
Foreword by Susan Giurleo\n......Page 19
Acknowledgments......Page 23
Introduction......Page 25
Part 1. What It Feels Like to Be on the Autism Spectrum\n\n......Page 33
It started with my son......Page 35
It’s called Asperger’s......Page 37
I have Asperger’s?......Page 38
Determined to feel other than disordered......Page 40
How I made peace with my school years......Page 42
Grade school bullies......Page 44
Middle school......Page 46
I finally fought back......Page 48
High school......Page 51
My high school legacy......Page 52
Congratulations, it’s cancer......Page 53
2. I Made Myself a Promise......Page 55
Why college was almost an ending instead of a beginning......Page 57
Not cut out for social work......Page 58
I’m going to be a father......Page 59
My spectrum mind gets to shine......Page 60
My first job as a social worker......Page 63
My family in crisis......Page 64
Another door opens......Page 65
Tragedy leads to opportunity......Page 66
3. It’s All About Calm and Focus......Page 69
What it means for him......Page 70
Change isn’t the problem......Page 71
Stimming is a must......Page 72
Respecting his style......Page 73
Finding focus......Page 75
Losing focus......Page 77
Classroom contradictions......Page 78
Keeping it together......Page 80
Finding his way......Page 81
4. It Takes Strength to Connect with You......Page 83
Connecting by choice......Page 84
Connection is exhausting......Page 85
Being aware......Page 86
The high-functioning myth......Page 87
Day to day......Page 88
Tune in or tune out......Page 89
Accommodate instead of tolerate......Page 90
Wanting to connect isn’t enough......Page 91
Knowing isn’t understanding......Page 92
The sensory migraine......Page 93
How many senses do we have?......Page 95
Getting your needs met......Page 96
What’s your frequency?......Page 97
What’s the intensity?......Page 98
Problems sleeping......Page 100
When touch hurts......Page 101
How do you manage?......Page 103
But the potty scares me!......Page 104
Emotions running high......Page 105
When your emotions are more than you can handle......Page 107
6. Coming to Your Senses......Page 109
The auditory smoothy......Page 110
Stop sweating......Page 111
Sit up straight and don’t pay attention......Page 112
I need a dinosaur hug......Page 114
Why that?......Page 115
The eleventh sense......Page 118
Supersensitivity......Page 120
Being choosy......Page 121
Finding balance......Page 122
The problem with research......Page 124
Part 2. Creating Relationships that Work for Both of Us\n......Page 127
What is confidence?......Page 129
Imposing your own limits......Page 130
Message received......Page 132
What’s your experience?......Page 133
The problem with compliments......Page 134
Feedback......Page 136
You need a different answer......Page 138
Thoughts on perfectionism......Page 139
Grown-ups first......Page 141
Not good enough......Page 142
Emphasize where they specialize......Page 144
Constructive criticism......Page 146
How praise can ruin your child’s life......Page 148
8. Meeting Halfway......Page 153
Keep an open mind......Page 154
Why social skills groups don’t work......Page 155
What the heck does a parent do now?......Page 159
Be true to yourself......Page 160
Strategy versus skill......Page 162
Solving the problem......Page 164
It’s contextual......Page 167
9. Clarify, Clarify, Clarify......Page 171
No mind reading......Page 172
The most important social strategy......Page 174
One problem......Page 175
I know what you’re thinking......Page 176
What are you afraid of?......Page 177
Stop punishing honesty......Page 178
An important agreement......Page 180
Ask, ask, ask......Page 181
Clarify for the literal mind......Page 182
What’s the protocol?......Page 183
Problem solved......Page 184
10. The Art of Negotiation......Page 187
What do you believe?......Page 188
The role of being right......Page 189
Rules of engagement......Page 191
Can you repeat that?......Page 193
Don’t touch me......Page 194
It’s all about “We”......Page 195
The problem solver......Page 196
Reversing selfishness......Page 197
Being a follower......Page 198
Teaching “We”......Page 199
Everyday leverage......Page 203
Keeping your agreements......Page 205
The Three Gs......Page 207
How it’s done......Page 208
Practice, practice......Page 209
11. Asking for Help and Getting It......Page 211
Meltdown at the airport......Page 212
Speak up......Page 215
I don’t need help......Page 216
I don’t know how......Page 217
Touch and Go......Page 232
Ignoring the signs......Page 233
No place to go......Page 236
Social disclaimers......Page 237
12. From Rejection to Resilience......Page 241
Filling in the gaps......Page 242
So many questions......Page 244
Using the Ws......Page 245
Plan B......Page 249
The importance of why......Page 251
What’s the solution?......Page 252
Reaping what you sow......Page 255
Let’s review......Page 258
Where to go from “no”......Page 260
What if I said “no”?......Page 261
The “yes” solution......Page 262
Accepting “no”......Page 264
Glossary......Page 271
References......Page 273