Silver Spoon Kids: How Successful Parents Raise Responsible Children

Copyright......Page 5
Contents......Page 9
Foreword......Page 11
Acknowledgments......Page 13
Introduction......Page 15
Becoming Aware of How People Handle Money......Page 16
From Money Meanings to Money Talk......Page 20
A Book We Wish We Had Read When We Were Just Starting Out......Page 21
1 Affluence Is a Double-Edged Sword......Page 23
You Don’t Have to Be Rich to Be Affluent......Page 24
Troubling Trends......Page 28
A Parenting Generation Gap......Page 31
Lessons Learned......Page 34
Your Money Narrative......Page 35
2 Keeping Your Child’s Development on Track......Page 39
Attachment Is Tough When There’s No One There to Attach To......Page 40
How Affluence Can Unravel Attachment Threads......Page 42
The Five Stages: Developing an Appreciation for How Money Affects Childhood Development......Page 44
First Stage: Trust Versus Mistrust......Page 45
Second Stage: Autonomy Versus Shame and Doubt......Page 47
Third Stage: Initiative Versus Guilt......Page 48
Fourth Stage: Industry Versus Inferiority......Page 51
Fifth Stage: Identity Versus Role Confusion......Page 53
Taking the Right Developmental Steps......Page 54
Trust Versus Mistrust......Page 55
Initiative Versus Guilt......Page 56
Identity Versus Role Confusion......Page 57
3 Money Personalities......Page 59
The Elements of a Money Personality......Page 60
Working on Your Money-Related Behavior......Page 65
Step Two: Try This Exercise......Page 68
Step Three: Rate Yourself in All Three Dimensions......Page 69
Step Five: Compare Your Charts with Others......Page 70
Step Six: Create a Money Genogram......Page 71
Bringing a Genogram to Life (and Money Relationships to Paper)......Page 73
Changing Money Relationships......Page 75
Therapy......Page 76
Dialogue......Page 78
Action Plan......Page 79
A Balanced Personality......Page 80
4 The Value of Values......Page 81
What Is a Value?......Page 83
What Is a Money Value?......Page 88
How Do We Clarify Our Money Values?......Page 89
Stage One: Identifying What Is Important to Us......Page 92
Stage Two: Choosing Among Alternatives......Page 96
Stage Three: Acting......Page 98
Time Well Spent......Page 104
5 Talking with Your Kids About Money......Page 107
A Loaded Subject: Why You Can’t Talk About Money Without Talking About Other Things......Page 108
The Ten Worst Things You Can Say......Page 111
Communicating an Abstract Concept......Page 117
Teachable Times: Being Alert for the Moment When Money Messages Can Be Sent......Page 121
Ages Five and Under......Page 124
Six to Twelve Years Old......Page 126
Thirteen to Eighteen Years Old......Page 128
Translating Appropriate Values into Words......Page 130
Avoiding Contradictions Between Words and Deeds......Page 134
6 Allowances: Giving Your Child More than Money......Page 139
Two Basic Allowance Rules......Page 140
Rule One: All Children Should Receive an Allowance......Page 141
Rule Two: An Appropriate Allowance Is What You Feel Is Appropriate......Page 142
What Do Yo u Have to Do to Get an Allowance?......Page 143
How Is the Amount of the Allowance Determined, and What Should It Cover?......Page 145
When and How Can the Allowance Be Renegotiated?......Page 147
How Much Say Should Parents Have Over How Kids Spend Their Allowances?......Page 149
Resist the Reward/Punishment Aspect of Allowances......Page 151
7 Diversity: How to “Unshelter” Your Child......Page 155
Recognizing the Gap Between Haves and Have-Nots......Page 156
Doesn’t Everyone Live This Way?......Page 162
The School Curriculum and the Societal Curriculum......Page 164
Eight Things We Can Do to Teach Our Children About Diversity......Page 167
8 Give and You Shall Receive......Page 175
The Psychological Impact of Philanthropy......Page 177
Roadblocks to Family Philanthropy......Page 178
Getting Started......Page 179
Selecting Opportunities for Involvement......Page 184
Public Charities......Page 185
Family Foundations......Page 190
Community Foundations......Page 192
Be Alert for Teachable Moments......Page 194
Create a “Virtual Foundation” and a “Family Giving Pool”......Page 195
Capitalize on Your Child’s Interest......Page 196
Neutral Ground......Page 198
9 Family Wealth Planning......Page 199
The Nuts and Bolts......Page 200
Communicating Values Through an Estate Plan......Page 203
Talking to Your Children About Your Estate Plan......Page 206
Young Children......Page 211
Adult Children......Page 212
Incentivizing Values-Based Behavior......Page 213
Trusts as Tools to Teach Money Management......Page 215
Use Your Estate Plan to Link Family Wealth Planning to Philanthropy......Page 217
Use the Jackie Method......Page 218
The Four Most Common Trust Fund Mistakes......Page 220
When Grandparents’ Plans Are Not So Grand......Page 223
10 Parenting in an Age of Change: Dealing with New or Unusual Money Situations......Page 225
Lifestyle-Changing Divorce......Page 226
Financial Confusion Involving Stepchildren and Adopted Children......Page 228
Credit Card Abuse......Page 231
Launching Dependent Adult Children......Page 235
Financial Relationships with the Sufficiently Launched Adult Child......Page 241
Newly Acquired Wealth......Page 245
Grandparents as Money Mentors or Monsters......Page 250
11 Invest in Your Child’s Future......Page 253
Tracking the Money-Related Trends......Page 254
The Ever-Expanding Internet......Page 255
The Diversity Challenge......Page 256
The Quest for Money Heroes in a World of Money Villains......Page 258
The Desire to Live a Meaningful (and Not Just a Material) Life......Page 259
Searching for Time to Parent Properly......Page 260
Preparing to Parent in the Midst of Plenty......Page 261
Appendix......Page 263
Bibliography......Page 271
Index......Page 279