Say It Right the First Time

Cover......Page 1
Title Page\r......Page 4
ISBNs 0071425993  0071408614......Page 5
Contents......Page 8
Acknowledgments......Page 10
Introduction......Page 12
Section I:Your Power and How It Impacts People......Page 14
Your Purpose......Page 16
Delusions of Adequacy......Page 19
A Leader’s Choice: 50/50 or 100% Accountability......Page 21
The Seven Keys to Speaking Accountably......Page 24
Your Communication Is Off-Track When......Page 26
Your Communication Is Accountable When......Page 27
Inspiring Positive Action......Page 28
Short Statements That Inspire Positive Action......Page 30
The Reason Managers and Leaders Exist......Page 32
The Changing Language of\rTwenty-First-Century Leaders\r......Page 34
The Changing Language of\rTwenty-First-Century Leaders\r......Page 35
Are You Accountable for the\rImpact of Your Words?......Page 37
Do You Trigger Action or Reaction?......Page 38
Do You Inspire or Derail People?......Page 40
Key Communication Principles......Page 41
Your Purpose......Page 44
Discretionary Effort:\rWhat People Are Willing to Give\r......Page 46
How to Spot Resignation......Page 47
What Resigned Employees Say......Page 48
What Inspired Employees Say......Page 49
Shrinking the Game—What\rPeople Do When They Are Resigned\r......Page 50
How People Feel When They Are Resigned......Page 51
Getting Others Back in the Game......Page 52
When You Shrink the Game......Page 53
When You Shrink the Game......Page 55
Talking to Your Boss When You Are Resigned......Page 57
Talking to People Who Are Resigned and Skeptical......Page 58
Dealing with\rEmotionally Charged People\r......Page 59
Uncover the “Real” Problem......Page 61
Validating Feelings......Page 63
Dealing with Resignation\rWhen You Are Short on Time\r......Page 64
Key Communication Principles......Page 66
Your Purpose......Page 70
Symbolic Power versus Real Power......Page 72
Living in a Fishbowl......Page 77
The Invisible Cloak: How You Wear Power......Page 80
Avoiding Making Decisions......Page 81
Shutting People Down......Page 82
Collaborating and Including People......Page 83
Collaborating and Working Together......Page 84
Compliance Is Not Alignment......Page 85
Key Communication Principles......Page 88
Section II: Your Words and How They Trigger Action or Reaction......Page 90
Your Purpose......Page 92
Entering the Black Hole......Page 94
What You Said Is Not What They Heard......Page 96
WHAT YOU SAY and WHAT THEY HEAR......Page 98
The Mind Fills in the Blanks......Page 99
Communicating to Both Minds......Page 101
Solving the Right Problem......Page 104
Discuss Outcomes Before Solutions......Page 105
Communicating Priorities......Page 106
When Priorities Are Unclear......Page 107
Giving Others Responsibility......Page 108
Checking for Clarity......Page 109
Checking Assumptions......Page 110
Tell Them What You Want,\rNot What You Don’t Want\r......Page 111
Provide Positive Direction......Page 112
Delivering Negative Feedback in a Positive Way......Page 113
Marking Out Key Points......Page 114
Marking Out Key Points......Page 115
Ask Others to Summarize Your Message......Page 117
Summarizing Your Own Message......Page 118
Summarizing Another’s Message......Page 119
Key Communication Principles......Page 120
Your Purpose......Page 124
Ending the Conversation without\rHaving the Last Word\r......Page 132
Interrupting Yourself......Page 136
Using Jargon and Slang......Page 137
Increase Your Credibility by\rEliminating Filled Pauses......Page 138
Labeling Others......Page 142
False Humility......Page 144
Key Communication Principles......Page 147
Your Purpose......Page 150
What Pushes Your Hot Buttons......Page 152
Which Behaviors Push\rYour Hot Buttons?......Page 154
Judgments About Character Traits......Page 156
Prevention Tactic 1: Listen with Positive\rExpectations, Not Judgment\r......Page 157
Listening with Judgment......Page 158
Listening with Positive Expectations......Page 159
Words That Get You in Trouble......Page 160
Hitting Below the Belt......Page 162
Asking for Information in a\rNonthreatening Manner\r......Page 163
Expressing How You Feel......Page 164
Prevention Tactic 3: When in\rDoubt, Leave It Out\r......Page 165
Prevention Tactic 4: Cool Off\rbefore You Open Your Mouth\r......Page 166
Cooling Off Guidelines......Page 167
Provide a “Now” Time Frame......Page 168
Prevention Tactic 6: Treat Undesired\rBehavior as an Exception, Not the Rule\r......Page 169
State Your Criticism as an Exception......Page 171
Section III: Your Words and How They Inspire or Derail......Page 182
Your Purpose......Page 184
Straight Talk Defined......Page 186
Straight-Talk Checklist......Page 187
Straight-Talk Checklist......Page 188
Asking for What You Want......Page 190
Managing the Response to Your Requests......Page 192
Be Direct When You Have\rNot Made a Decision\r......Page 193
Separating Facts\rfrom Conclusions\r......Page 194
State the Facts before Conclusions......Page 195
Communicating in a Timely Manner......Page 196
When Others Don’t Talk Straight......Page 197
The Eight Telltale Signs When\rStraight Talk Is Missing\r......Page 198
Hedging and Dancing around the Issue......Page 199
Handling People Who Hedge and Avoid......Page 200
Dumping Concerns......Page 202
Handling People Who “Dump” Concerns......Page 203
What to Say after All Concerns Are Voiced......Page 204
Dramatizing Concerns......Page 205
Handling People Who Dramatize Concerns......Page 206
Minimizing Concerns......Page 207
Handling People Who Minimize Their Concerns......Page 208
Handling People Who Withhold\rInformation or Feelings\r......Page 210
Handling People Who Want You to Mind Read......Page 212
“Dropping a Bomb” Messages......Page 213
Handling People Who Drop a Bomb......Page 214
Key Communication Principles......Page 216
Your Purpose......Page 220
Is Your Word Your Bond......Page 221
The Dangers of “Try”......Page 224
Refuse to Be Seduced by “TRY”......Page 225
Commit and Do It......Page 227
Committing with Integrity......Page 228
Casual Promises That Erode Your Word......Page 229
Commit Only When You Intend to Deliver......Page 230
Committing with Integrity......Page 231
Taking a Leap of Faith......Page 232
The Language of Incremental Steps......Page 233
The Big Leaps of Quantum Language......Page 234
Bold Commitments That Inspire Others......Page 236
Committing to the Personal Success of Others......Page 237
“We’re in This Together” Language......Page 238
Committing to the Success of Others......Page 239
Inspiring Commitment in Others......Page 240
Perform a Reality Check on Commitments......Page 241
“Could Have,Would Have, Should Have”......Page 243
Excusing Failure......Page 244
Holding People Accountable\rfor High Performance\r......Page 245
What People Are Resisting\rWhen They Won’t Commit\r......Page 247
Key Communication Principles......Page 249
Your Purpose......Page 252
Committed Partnerships Lead\rto Shorthand Communication\r......Page 254
The Eight Essential Agreements\rof a Committed Partnership\r......Page 257
Supporting Senior Management......Page 258
Critical Information Questions for New Initiatives......Page 261
Critical Process Questions for New Initiatives......Page 263
When You Are Not Aligned\rand Support the Outcome\r......Page 266
When You Are Not Aligned and\rDo Not Support the Outcome\r......Page 267
Managing Up......Page 269
Invite People to Manage Up and Coach You......Page 270
When Your Request to Manage Up Is Declined......Page 271
Getting Permission to Manage Up and Coach......Page 272
Creating a Positive Framework to Manage Up......Page 274
Managing Up and Holding Others\rAccountable for Their Impact\r......Page 275
Circles of Trust......Page 276
“Earn My Trust” Message......Page 278
“You Have My Trust” Message......Page 279
Five Steps for Holding Others Accountable......Page 280
The Five-Step Model for\rHolding People Accountable\r......Page 281
Building a Culture of Accountability......Page 288
Key Communication Principles\r......Page 293
Index......Page 296
About the Author......Page 303