Reclaim Your Relationship : A Workbook of Exercises and Techniques to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner

Reclaim Your Relationship: A Workbook of Exercises and Techniques to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner......Page 5
Contents......Page 7
Acknowledgments......Page 11
Introduction......Page 13
What Keeps People from Saying “I Love You”?......Page 14
Key Concepts and Beliefs That Form the Basis of This Book......Page 15
The Three Main Sources for This Workbook......Page 17
Ten Reasons to Read This Book and Do These Exercises......Page 19
How to Read This Book......Page 22
Part I: How to Say “I Love You”......Page 25
Exercise 1: Practice, practice, practice: Developing the positive habit of saying “I love you”......Page 27
Exercise 2: Say “I love you” ten times to your partner......Page 33
Exercise 3: Challenge the old, cold thoughts that keep you from saying “ I love you”......Page 35
Exercise 4: Say “I love you” with no strings attached: Be careful of your expectations......Page 41
Exercise 5: Learn why you have trouble saying “I love you”......Page 45
Exercise 6: Saying “I love you”: Getting started and keeping going......Page 51
Exercise 7: Explore nonverbal ways to say “I love you”......Page 57
Exercise 8: Say “I love you” with creativity, humor, and imagination......Page 61
Exercise 9: Praise helps your partner feel loved......Page 65
Exercise 10: Write a love letter to your partner......Page 69
Exercise 11: Share your deepest hopes, dreams, and yearnings with your partner......Page 73
Exercise 12: Practice intimacy: Saying “I love you” by opening the gates to your private world......Page 77
Exercise 13: Say “I love you” during really hard times......Page 83
Exercise 14: Don’t keep it a secret: Tell others you love your partner......Page 87
Exercise 15: Choosing not to hurt your partner: What not to say in the name of love......Page 91
Part II: How to Show Love......Page 95
Exercise 16: Show your love by making time for your partner......Page 97
Exercise 17: The doubly loving relationship: Becoming helpmates and best friends......Page 101
Exercise 18: Listen with love......Page 105
Exercise 19: Show love by understanding your partner......Page 111
Exercise 20: Show love by accepting difference......Page 117
Exercise 21: Love needs trust to form a strong bond......Page 121
Exercise 22: Show your love by respecting your partner......Page 125
Exercise 23: There’s a difference between having sex and making love......Page 129
Exercise 24: One of the best times to show your love is during conflict......Page 133
Exercise 25: Give your partner the gifts he or she really wants......Page 139
Exercise 26: Do something generous for your partner......Page 143
Exercise 27: Unexpected surprises add romance to your relationship......Page 147
Exercise 28: Keep “I love you” special: Don’t misuse or overuse the words......Page 151
Exercise 29: Follow the accordion model of a loving relationship: Recognize the value of both closeness and temporary separation......Page 155
Exercise 30: There must be fifty ways to love a leaver: Helping the partner who runs from closeness......Page 159
Part III: How to Take In Love......Page 165
Exercise 31: Make a promise to yourself to take in your partner’s love and affection......Page 167
Exercise 32: Put your “no” on the shelf: Choosing to let in your partner’s love......Page 171
Exercise 33: The five steps that let you take in love......Page 175
Exercise 34: Take in love one small bit at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed......Page 181
Exercise 35: You can’t take in what you don’t see: Notice the times when your partner is caring and considerate......Page 185
Exercise 36: How to avoid the slide into defensiveness (only looking for the bad stuff)......Page 187
Exercise 37: Give your partner opportunities to be loving......Page 191
Exercise 38: Practice taking in love every time you give it out: Breathe in silver and breathe out gold......Page 195
Exercise 39: Take in love at your growing edge......Page 197
Exercise 40: Let love in even though you’ve been hurt before......Page 203
Exercise 41: Take in love and comfort even when you have difficulty loving yourself......Page 207
Exercise 42: Act “as if” you believe people love you until you actually believe it......Page 213
Exercise 43: The hole in the bucket problem: Recognize and understand why you have trouble taking in love......Page 217
Exercise 44: Don’t be greedy: Nobody owes you constant love or attention......Page 221
Exercise 45: My lover’s love is like...Writing analogies and a story about your partner’s love......Page 225
Exercise 46: The spiritual aspects of taking in your partner’s love......Page 229
References......Page 233
Index......Page 235