Plight of the Living Dead: What Real-Life Zombies Reveal About Our World—and Ourselves

Praise for PLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD......Page 2
About the Author......Page 4
Also by Matt Simon......Page 5
Title Page......Page 6
Copyright......Page 7
Dedication......Page 8
Contents......Page 9
Introduction: Welcome to the surreal world of the real-life living dead.......Page 11
1. The First Rule of Zombification: You Do Not Want to Be a Zombie......Page 16
This Might Sting a Little......Page 17
A Brief and Dare I Say Fascinating Story of the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection......Page 23
If You Be My Bodyguard, I Can Be Your Long-Lost Manipulative Pal......Page 27
The Very Not Hungry Caterpillar......Page 30
2. Nothing Brings the World Together Like Unsolicited Mind Control......Page 34
The Zombie Ant: Chronicle of a Death Foretold......Page 35
Your Long-Lost Uncle, the Fungus......Page 39
Hey Sister, Go Sister, Soul Sister, Go Sister: Ain’t No Family Drama Like Ant Family Drama......Page 42
The Fungus Among Us......Page 45
Attack of the Zombie Unicorn Caterpillar and the Flying Salt Shaker of Death......Page 48
3. When Life Gets Complicated, Life Gets Zombified......Page 53
Disco Snails and the Ants That Would Be Berries......Page 54
That Time Crustaceans Clamped onto a Guy’s Leg Hairs and Began a Scientific Movement......Page 59
How to Get into the Business of Ruining Other Creatures’ Lives......Page 64
Evolution: Making Watches (of Sorts) Since 3.5 Billion Years BC......Page 66
Second Curse, Same as the First......Page 69
4. No Creature Lives in a Vacuum, Not Even a Zombie......Page 72
Parasites Warm the Heart of My Cockle......Page 73
You’re off the Hook This Time, Butterflies......Page 80
On the Road with Hitchhikers, Lucky Passengers, and Copilots......Page 83
5. How to Succeed in Parasitism Without Really Dying......Page 87
I’ve Got a Gut Feeling......Page 88
Insane in the Membrane (Insane in the Brain)......Page 94
It Ain’t Easy Being Mean......Page 97
I’ve Got a Parasite, and the Only Prescription Is More Fever......Page 102
6. Dawn of the Sexually Undead......Page 105
Barnacles: The Sexual Deviants of the Sea......Page 106
If a Bacterial Infection Changes Your Sex, It’s Probably Too Late for Antibiotics......Page 113
Sex Appeal......Page 118
7. The Great Escape from the Umwelt......Page 120
The Legendary Biologist Who Thought Darwin Was Full of Shit......Page 121
The Actuality of the Cave......Page 126
The Curious Case of the Bird That Smelled Kind of Funny......Page 128
Breaking the Sound Barrier......Page 131
8. The Great Hacking of the Umwelt......Page 135
Let’s Not Necessarily Get Physical......Page 136
The Inherent Poetry of Bumblebees Slaughtering Each Other......Page 142
That’s a Nice Family You’ve Got There. It’d Be a Shame If Someone Parasitized It.......Page 145
Bastardizing the Umwelt......Page 149
9. The Brain-Hacked Mouse That Wore a Funny Hat and Destroyed the Notion of Free Will......Page 152
Welcome to the Machine......Page 153
The Whole-Body Model of the Great Big Sham That Is Free Will......Page 159
10. You, the Undead......Page 164
Reality Bites......Page 165
As If You Needed Another Reason to Get a Dog Instead of a Cat......Page 171
Inside the Fallible Human Brain......Page 174
11. End Times......Page 177
Acknowledgments......Page 181
Bibliography......Page 183