Love: The Psychology of Attraction

5 Contents......Page 7
8 FOREWORD......Page 10
CHAPTER 1 YOU ARE YOU READY FOR LOVE?......Page 13
12 Evolution calling Why we fall in love......Page 14
16 Secure, anxious, or avoidant What’s your style?......Page 18
20 Clashing expectations When insecure types get together......Page 22
22 Great expectations Mental images of ourselves and other people......Page 24
2 4 Thinking straight How not to talk yourself down......Page 26
26 Let’s fall in love How susceptible are you?......Page 28
27 Why do I never learn? The secrect of repeating patterns......Page 29
30 Giving up your independence? How to balance autonomy and connection......Page 32
32 Your own worst enemy? How mental habits hinder or help......Page 34
34 You deserve the best Healthy positive thinking......Page 36
36 Extrovert or introvert? Where you draw energy from......Page 38
38 A little help from your friends Platonic lessons in love......Page 40
40 Be honest with me Getting help from your loved ones......Page 42
42 I always go for… You and your type......Page 44
48 The scent of chemistry How smell works on our feelings......Page 50
50 Smile please The bond of humor......Page 52
52 Wishing on a star When you need to listen to yourself......Page 54
54 Give yourself a break Coping with the lonely times......Page 56
CHAPTER 2 THE SEARCH FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU......Page 61
60 On the lookout Getting out there......Page 62
62 Hey world, I’m available! Sending out the right signals......Page 64
The chance encounter......Page 68
Is friendship all that’s available?......Page 70
70 Across a crowded office The pros and cons of dating at work......Page 72
72 Would like to meet... Navigating the personal ads......Page 74
74 The five-minute mile Speed dating......Page 76
76 Dating on the Internet The strange world of infinite choice......Page 78
78 Signing up online Creating a profile......Page 80
82 Just a click away Starting a conversation......Page 84
86 From profile to person Turning a chat into a date......Page 88
88 Keeping it safe Meeting up in comfort......Page 90
90 Hiding in plain sight Meeting through friends......Page 92
92 Hey, have you met…? When friends play matchmaker......Page 94
94 Next time lucky? Dating after divorce......Page 96
CHAPTER 3 DATING MAKING IT WORK......Page 99
98 Picking a winner The first date......Page 100
100 Looking the part How to put your best face forward......Page 102
102 It’s going to be fine Confidence-building exercises......Page 104
104 Stress-free first dates Where’s the best place to start?......Page 106
106 Everyone loves a good listener The art of active communication......Page 108
108 Shrinking violets Coping with shyness......Page 110
110 Talking the talk Getting a good conversation going......Page 112
112 You don’t have to say anything Body language tips......Page 114
116 I’m so embarrassed How to keep your cool......Page 118
118 Five acid tests How to assess your new date......Page 120
122 Emotional intelligence What it is and why it matters......Page 124
124 Spotting a serial dater Who they are and why they do it......Page 126
126 Someone like you? When qualities in common help, and when they don’t......Page 128
128 Counting the years Do age gaps really matter?......Page 130
130 Worth a second date? Who should you see again?......Page 132
132 Juggling prospects When there’s more than one person on the horizon......Page 134
134 Secrets and confessions How to broach delicate subjects......Page 136
136 Saying it with flowers Gift giving and what it means......Page 138
CHAPTER 4 ESTABLISHING THE RELATIONSHIP FROM ATTRACTION TO COMMITMENT......Page 141
140 Fast track, slow track Getting the pace right for you......Page 142
142 Know your boundaries How to keep your limits healthy......Page 144
144 Nipping it in the bud How to stop a small problem turning into a big one......Page 146
146 Off to bed—or not Passing that major threshold......Page 148
148 Driving you crazy The power of the unreliable......Page 150
150 Reluctant fire The power of excitement......Page 152
152 Is this love or lust? Listening to your hormones......Page 154
156 Spotting real danger Warning signs of an abuser......Page 158
158 If the F word is “family” The delicate issue of children......Page 160
160 A ready-made family Dating with children......Page 162
162 Overlapping your circles Meeting each other’s friends......Page 164
164 But I miss you so How much time together is right?......Page 166
166 So are we a couple now? The transition to commitment......Page 168
170 The L word Talking about love......Page 172
172 Here’s your key Moving in together......Page 174
174 I’ll call you every night Managing a long distance relationship......Page 176
176 Semi-happy endings Finishing things cleanly......Page 178
178 Do you or don’t you? Time to talk about marriage......Page 180
180 Popping the question The art of the proposal......Page 182
CHAPTER 5 TOGETHER ON THE ROAD TO LASTING LOVE......Page 185
184 Are we going to last? What your conversations predict......Page 186
186 Staying connected Little exercises in happiness......Page 188
188 The power of vulnerability Taking a risk on true understanding......Page 190
192 You bring out the best in me The Michelangelo effect......Page 194
194 Two halves, or two wholes? How to avoid getting stuck in stereotypes......Page 196
196 The worst ideas of all What you really must avoid......Page 198
198 Arguing like grown-ups How to communicate, not manipulate......Page 200
200 A good clean fight How to argue and move on......Page 202
202 Stop hogging the covers! Sharing a bed......Page 204
204 Career pressures Maintaining equality in a confusing world......Page 206
206 The child-free life Choosing not to have children......Page 208
208 Trying for a baby Keeping it fun when things get serious......Page 210
210 Baby on the way Staying sexual during pregnancy......Page 212
212 A united front How to share parenting without going crazy......Page 214
214 Parents’ date night Having some fun in the few spare moments......Page 216
216 See you at sex o’clock Making time for sex......Page 218
218 Keeping the spark Burning long and burning bright......Page 220
220 INDEX......Page 222