How to Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio

Acknowledgments xiii     Introduction xvii     1 Trade Frequently 1     2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11     3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19     4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29     5 Pour Continuer ... Sell When Things Look Bleak ... and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35     6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It   s Different ... and Act on It 41     7 Dividends Are for Spending   Not Investing   Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49     8 Cash Is Garbage   Except When It   s Not 57     9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69     10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of ... You Can Out-Think the Market 77     11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81     12 Commodities Are Calling ... Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87     13 Go on Margin for Everything 93     14 Sell Short 97     15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103     16 Do It All Yourself 109     17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111     18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113     19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117     20 Don   t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119     2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset   You 123     Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124     Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124     Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125     Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125     Don   t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers ... Just Wing It 126     Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126     Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126     Show No Regard for the Truth 127     Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127     Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128     Do Not Be Punctual 128     Don   t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128     Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129     Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129     Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129     Look for Grievances at Work 130     Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130     Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131     Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131     Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132     Listen to Your Colleagues    Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132     Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133     Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133     Pad Your Expense Account 134     Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don   t Pay It Back 134     Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135     Flirt with Your Colleagues    Significant Others 135     Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn   t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135     Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136     About the Author 137