Direct Your Own Damn Movie! (Your Own Damn Film School Series )

Direct Your Own Damn Movie!......Page 4
Copyright Page......Page 5
Contents......Page 8
Foreword (Maybe Backward)......Page 12
Foreword Part II......Page 16
Preface – Directile Disfunction......Page 18
Acknowledgments......Page 24
CHAPTER 1 Joining the Army of One......Page 26
Me Actually Following My Own Advice......Page 28
Now It's Your Turn to Follow My Advice......Page 29
Sidebar: Penelope Spheeris Rocks Out on Rockin' the Boat......Page 30
Sidebar: Bill Lustig on Porn Versus Film School......Page 31
Summoning Your Inner Dominatrix......Page 32
Something Great the French Gave Us, Besides a Fantastic Way to Make Out and a Tasty Way to Prepare Potatoes......Page 33
All Pricks, Big and Small......Page 35
My Big Fat Budget Studio Dream Wedding......Page 37
Sidebar: Eli Roth Says… (Film School Versus Set Experience)......Page 39
Hollywood, Hot Celebs, and Herpes......Page 41
My Own Personal Piece of Hell......Page 44
Sidebar: Whit Stillman and Oscar......Page 47
The Write Stuff: Putting Your Ideas on Paper......Page 48
Sidebar: Getting Into Directing … Ron Jeremy Style......Page 49
A Note on Formatting......Page 50
I Have an Idea, Now What?......Page 51
A Location is Always Better (and Often Cheaper) Than a Set......Page 53
Writing and Re-Writing......Page 55
You Could Put an Eye Out with that Thing!......Page 56
The Poor Man's Copyright......Page 57
Enter the Cowriter......Page 58
And Now a Few Words from Kurly......Page 59
And Now, Back to Lloyd......Page 61
Let's Get Cracking!......Page 63
CHAPTER 3 Show, Don't Tell, and Other Things My Uncle Lance Whispered to Me in the Basement......Page 64
Sidebar: Making Mistakes … Ron Jeremy Style......Page 65
Styles of Storytelling......Page 67
A Quick Primer on Things that I Will Repeat in the Coming Chapters......Page 69
Location, Location, Location......Page 71
No Country for Old Jews......Page 72
Sidebar: Stuart Gordon on Directing Horror......Page 75
The Tools of the Trade: Your Filmmaking Tool Kit......Page 77
Practical Directing Tips, As Per Elinor......Page 81
Sidebar: Lloyd's Interview with His Good Pal, Stan Lee......Page 82
CHAPTER 4 Preproduction: My Own Private Idaho (and by Idaho, I, of course, mean Hell)......Page 88
The Point?......Page 90
Sidebar: A Glimpse Inside Lloyd's Head......Page 91
An Army of One … Rarely Wins the War......Page 94
The Dream … Er … Troma Team......Page 95
The Last Line Sums It Up Here......Page 96
One of Many Ways to Avoid Infection on a Troma Set......Page 97
The Film Crew......Page 98
Sidebar: How the Troma System Prepared Me For Prison......Page 101
The Manson Family on LSD with Very Little Money … And the Production Manager......Page 103
Out of the Frying Pan (Hell) and into the Fire (Hell)......Page 104
BONUS CHAPTER: Directors That Pee Sitting Down: An Interview with Penelope Spheeris and Allison Anders......Page 106
Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe…......Page 114
The Quest Begins......Page 115
The Almost-Open Call......Page 116
Sidebar: James Gunn Knows Funny......Page 119
Mention James Gunn a Little More … People Like That Fucker......Page 121
The Truth about Actors......Page 122
Sidebar: Bill Lustig on Acting and Actors......Page 123
The Hollerback … Er … the Callback......Page 124
Sidebar: James Gunn Knows Lloyd Kaufman......Page 126
Bringing It All to a Rapid Boil......Page 127
How To Keep Hands Busy (And Away From Your Crotch)......Page 128
Breakdowns (As in Script, Not Mental … Hopefully)......Page 129
Filming in Sequence – Joycean Epiphany......Page 133
Can I Talk about Nudity Yet?......Page 134
Shooting Up: Some Helpful Terms to Get You Started......Page 135
Sidebar: Stuart Gordon on Storyboarding......Page 136
Sidebar: Eli Roth Says… (to Storyboard or Not to Storyboard…)......Page 138
Sidebar: Jack Beranek......Page 143
You're Almost There!......Page 145
And Now…......Page 147
CHAPTER 7 Managing the Set, or Mastering the Age-Old Art of Babysitting......Page 148
First Day Jitters......Page 150
What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate......Page 152
Sidebar: Eli Roth Says… (It's All Your Fault)......Page 153
Stomping on Eggshells......Page 154
Sidebar: Eli Roth Says… (Say Thank You)......Page 155
Acting Out......Page 156
Speaking of Respect…......Page 157
A Little Nudity for the Road......Page 158
An Average Day in Tromaville......Page 159
Sidebar: Lessons from a First-Time Female Director......Page 160
Hanging Out with the Twins......Page 161
What Not To Do in a Nutshell......Page 163
Speaking of Management......Page 166
Sidebar: Stuart Gordon on Plumbing......Page 167
My Editor Also Said…......Page 168
CHAPTER 8 Putting the "Special" in Special Effects, or Why We Spend 80% of Our Budget on Bromo-Seltzer......Page 170
A Poultrygeist Interlude Circa August, 2005......Page 171
A More Accurate Poultrygeist Interlude … by Andy Deemer......Page 173
Back to Lloyd......Page 180
Why Not Just Use CGI, You Stupid Old Man??......Page 181
Talking Shit......Page 182
Getting the Right Folks for the Job......Page 183
Love the Stunt? Use It Again!......Page 184
Sidebar: Direct Your Own Damn Music Video......Page 187
CHAPTER 9 Postproduction, or Taking a Cue from Dedicated Hookers and Finishing Your Movie Off Right......Page 190
Reason for Reshooting #1 – My Love for Debbie Rochon......Page 192
Cutting, Pasting, and Other Skills I Would Have Learned in Preschool If My Mother Hadn't Ruined My Life by Keeping Me at Home until 10th Grade......Page 194
Sidebar: Self-Love … Ron Jeremy Style......Page 195
Getting into Focus......Page 196
Sound Mixing, As Opposed to Unsound Mixing......Page 199
Not as Racist as It Sounds … Really......Page 200
A Conversation over the Intercom at the Troma Building......Page 201
When It's All Said and Done…......Page 203
CHAPTER 10 If You Want It Done Right, You've Got to Do It Yourself, or Pay Someone a lot of Money......Page 204
Congratulations … I'm Sorry (and Other Pop Culture References from 1996)......Page 205
Putting the "I" in Festival......Page 206
When It's Okay to Sell Out......Page 207
A Note from Sara, Lloyd's (Up until Now) Loyal Assistant......Page 208
A Conversation with Elinor, My Editrix......Page 210
How to Direct a Movie......Page 212
Letter from the Editor......Page 214
Sidebar: Sean McCoy, Seven Quick Directing Tips for the Road......Page 216
Afterword – My Happy Ending......Page 222
Lloyd Kaufman's Filmography......Page 228
Final Letter from the Editor......Page 234
C......Page 236
H......Page 237
P......Page 238
S......Page 239
Z......Page 240