Change Your Own Diaper: A Bachelor with No Kids Explains How to Be a Parent without Screwing Up

Disclaimer ..........................................................................................................................1
Picking a Favorite ...........................................................................................................2
How to Build a Crib without Getting Divorced ...................................................4
Everyone Gets a Trophy ...............................................................................................6
Stupid Questions ...........................................................................................................8
Family Road Trip! .........................................................................................................10
Selling Your Kids on the Benefits of Bedtime ..................................................... 12
Summer Camp ............................................................................................................... 14
How to Beat Your Kid at Sports .............................................................................. 16
Trick or Treat! ................................................................................................................18
Successful Holiday Photos ......................................................................................20
Kid Divorce: Late-Stage Adoption for Teens ..................................................... 22
How to Worry about Concussions ....................................................................... 24
Sharing ............................................................................................................................ 26
No, You Can’t Get a Puppy: Preparing Your Kid for a Lifetime of
Disappointment ......................................................................................................28
No Meltdowns ..............................................................................................................30
Because I Said So:
Reasons Are for Wimps ............................................................................................ 32
Aggressive Driving for Teens .................................................................................. 34
Socializing Your Kid .................................................................................................... 36
Screen Time Strategies ............................................................................................. 38
Advice for Single Dads ..............................................................................................40
Advice for Single Moms ............................................................................................ 42
Yes, You Can Be a Billionaire: Accepting That Your Kids Will Do
More than You ......................................................................................................... 44
How to Bond with Your Kid
without Wasting All That Time .............................................................................. 46
Getting into the Best School ................................................................................... 48
There’s Always the Military ..................................................................................... 50
The Birds and the Bees ............................................................................................. 52
How to Give Up and Embrace the Chaos ............................................................ 54
Slumber Party of the Year! ....................................................................................... 56
Play Dates for Business and Love ......................................................................... 58
Why You Should Not Hire a Hot Nanny .............................................................................60
Why You Should Hire a Hot Nanny ......................................................................................62
How to Fire Your Nanny ...........................................................................................................64
Teaching Your Teen to Invest and Bet ................................................................................66
Advanced Potty Training .........................................................................................................68
Lasagna Week: Introducing Your Baby to the World ....................................................70
Winning Kindergarten .............................................................................................................. 72
How to Break Up with Your Childless Friends ................................................................ 74
How to Make New Friends When You Lose All Your Single Friends ....................... 76
How to Keep Having Sex .........................................................................................................78
If You Stop Crying, I’ll Buy You a Pony: How to Lie to Your Kids ............................. 80
Tips for Winning Couple’s Therapy .....................................................................................82
Teaching Your Teen to Drink ..................................................................................................84
How to Hide from the Kids .....................................................................................................86
How to Minimize Cock-Blocking ...........................................................................................88
How to Sell the Dad Bod Thing .............................................................................................90
How to Make a Baby .................................................................................................................92
Change Your Own Diaper! .......................................................................................................94
How to Accept All the Terrible Decisions Your Kid Will Make in College ..............96
Winning Empty Nesting, Part One: What to Talk about When You Can’t
Talk about the Kids ..............................................................................................................98
Winning Empty Nesting, Part Two:
Sports Cars and Sex in the Kitchen ...................................................................................100
About the Author
........................................................................................................103